I am so thankful for those of you who read my blog. I want you all to know that, very soon, I will be transitioning to a new website. I will make you aware of the new web address when it is time to make the move. Expect to see this happen in the next two weeks. For those of you who have signed up to receive notifications when new posts are made, you will need to subscribe on the new website to continue receiving those notifications.
There is much more in store than just the blog moving, and I am very excited about revealing it all.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
When God Doesn't Stop the Lightning
A few weeks ago, while engaged in conversation that included a close friend of ours (my wife and I), this friend told a brief story that has stuck with me ever since. She, a mother of two, told about how her daughter often runs to her room during the night when there is a thunderstorm. The young girl is afraid of the lightning, like many of us were at that age (and possibly still are even today!). Our friend emphasized the depth of security her daughter felt in her mother's arms while the lightning bolts hit all around, causing loud thunder. Despite the fact this mother could not stop the storm, or even make her daughter completely safe from it, her daughter was comforted to be in her presence.
God could remove the lightning from our lives, but He rarely does this.
The parent-child relationship is a reflection of the relationship God has with His children. This story, shared by our friend, caused me to ponder what her experience with her daughter can tell me about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. Often, God does not choose to take away the things that bother me in my life. The irritations, heart breaks, disappointments, fears, and other things that hurt me often remain despite my pleading with Him to remove or fix them. What are we to do when He doesn't take away the lightning in our lives? If I take notes from the young girl, what is it that gives her such peace when in her mother's arms?
Security is not something we get from a lightning rod.
I know this young lady fairly well. I also know the relationship she has with her parents. She knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that they love her. I am sure there will be times, such as disciplinary interventions, that she might struggle with that truth. However, there is a firm foundation of guaranteed love that has no bounds. I'm betting she always comes back to that truth. THIS is what we need with God for true security. We, all too often, believe that God must take away the lightning in our lives for us to have peace. That is a lie. All we need is to be able to run to Him and allow Him to hold us in His arms while the thunder crashes all around us.
Security is a direct result of living in His love.
I am presently convinced that the most difficult part of our walk of faith is believing God's love for us is everpresent, unconditional, and neverending. Evidence of this is seen in the fact that many of us struggle with security almost every day, showing up as fears and anxiety. It's far too easy to lose sight of how He loves us because we have an endless number of sources telling us otherwise. Where the young girl in the story has a firm foundation of love with her mother, many of us struggle to rest in it with God. That means a new foundation is needed, and that is not an easy transition. A new foundation begins with being willing to tear down any and every thing that tells us something other than what is true about God's love for us in Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). And it requires something so simplistic that it boggles my mind how powerful it is: faith like that of a child.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
What are People Worth?
Recently, on one of the many tangents my mind goes on each day, I began thinking about what things we value and why we value them. Things such as food and water are obvious: we value them highly because we need them. However, there are some things we deem as valuable that we do not necessarily "need". Gold and diamonds are things we do not need, but we typically value them highly. Some of us collect and value things such as baseball cards and model cars, things that others may find no value in at all.
Value is an essential part of relationships.
Assigning value in life is not restricted to just "things". Relationships could not exist without value. If we valued no one, we would isolate ourselves. The fact that we socialize at all indicates that we value others enough to use our time in that way. We value certain people, for whatever reason, so we engage them in conversation and want to be around them. We value some more than others, of course, and it would be deceptive to think otherwise.
Value can fluctuate quickly when its based on getting something in return.
When we start looking at "value" and how it applies to relationships, we can see some of the same characteristics mentioned already in valuing objects. Sometimes we value a relationship with someone because they have something to offer us. Similar to how we value food and water, we may feel that we need certain people. It may be due to connections they have that offer us something we want. It could also be more due to an emotional connection that we rely on in an attempt to meet some personal need. In both cases, when the other person stops offering what we want, we devalue them rather quickly like spoiled food that we cannot use anymore.
Others do not lose their value when we do not expect something from them.
Sometimes value in a relationship has nothing to do with obtaining something from the other person. Like picking up a seashell on the beach and admiring it, we find people in our lives that we value simply because of who they are. There's something about them we find captivating. A seashell offers nothing more than its beauty. It is what it is. A person we enjoy being around can be the same way. We just love and respect who they are. We value them highly, even when they have nothing to offer us but themselves.
It appears value can be divided up into two categories.
In the context of relationships, we either value someone because of what they can give us, or we value someone because of who they are. The truth appears to be that when it is based on what they can do for us, we do not value the person at all...only what they can give us. It may be a financially lucrative business connection they have, a talent they have that is advantageous to us, an emotional high that they are able to produce in us, a chance a child gives us to live vicariously through them, or some other thing a person can bring to the table that we want. When they no longer satisfy our requirement, we no longer see the need to continue pursuing the relationship. When we value someone simply for who they are, that value stands up to the great challenges that come along in any relationship because the value we place on that person is not based on selfish gain.
Where do we find our own value?
Just as we can base the value of objects and people on something stable or unstable, we can do the same with ourselves. If I see my value only in what I can offer others, it fluctuates. I go through highs and lows like a rollercoaster, dependent upon how well I perform. When I can find something more substantial and honest regarding my value and trust that source, I am much better off. What better source to inquire about my value than the One who created me?
One cool thing about God is that He is not like us when it comes to valuing people. He does not make the mistake of valuing us because of what we can do for Him. He chooses to love us, knowing we can never offer anything more than ourselves to Him. That love is seen clearly in the life and death of Jesus. He offered everything in the relationship He pursues with us. Our value is based on that love He has for us. When we embrace that love, our value is no longer in question.
Value is an essential part of relationships.
Assigning value in life is not restricted to just "things". Relationships could not exist without value. If we valued no one, we would isolate ourselves. The fact that we socialize at all indicates that we value others enough to use our time in that way. We value certain people, for whatever reason, so we engage them in conversation and want to be around them. We value some more than others, of course, and it would be deceptive to think otherwise.
Value can fluctuate quickly when its based on getting something in return.
When we start looking at "value" and how it applies to relationships, we can see some of the same characteristics mentioned already in valuing objects. Sometimes we value a relationship with someone because they have something to offer us. Similar to how we value food and water, we may feel that we need certain people. It may be due to connections they have that offer us something we want. It could also be more due to an emotional connection that we rely on in an attempt to meet some personal need. In both cases, when the other person stops offering what we want, we devalue them rather quickly like spoiled food that we cannot use anymore.
Others do not lose their value when we do not expect something from them.
Sometimes value in a relationship has nothing to do with obtaining something from the other person. Like picking up a seashell on the beach and admiring it, we find people in our lives that we value simply because of who they are. There's something about them we find captivating. A seashell offers nothing more than its beauty. It is what it is. A person we enjoy being around can be the same way. We just love and respect who they are. We value them highly, even when they have nothing to offer us but themselves.
It appears value can be divided up into two categories.
In the context of relationships, we either value someone because of what they can give us, or we value someone because of who they are. The truth appears to be that when it is based on what they can do for us, we do not value the person at all...only what they can give us. It may be a financially lucrative business connection they have, a talent they have that is advantageous to us, an emotional high that they are able to produce in us, a chance a child gives us to live vicariously through them, or some other thing a person can bring to the table that we want. When they no longer satisfy our requirement, we no longer see the need to continue pursuing the relationship. When we value someone simply for who they are, that value stands up to the great challenges that come along in any relationship because the value we place on that person is not based on selfish gain.
Where do we find our own value?
Just as we can base the value of objects and people on something stable or unstable, we can do the same with ourselves. If I see my value only in what I can offer others, it fluctuates. I go through highs and lows like a rollercoaster, dependent upon how well I perform. When I can find something more substantial and honest regarding my value and trust that source, I am much better off. What better source to inquire about my value than the One who created me?
One cool thing about God is that He is not like us when it comes to valuing people. He does not make the mistake of valuing us because of what we can do for Him. He chooses to love us, knowing we can never offer anything more than ourselves to Him. That love is seen clearly in the life and death of Jesus. He offered everything in the relationship He pursues with us. Our value is based on that love He has for us. When we embrace that love, our value is no longer in question.
Monday, July 07, 2014
Scars that Tell a Story
Both in its physical and emotional forms, "hurt" is an inescapable part of life. Some of us seem to be more exposed to it than others, which does not seem fair. Regardless of it's severity, it's a very difficult thing to deal with. When we are hurt by others we can attempt to withdraw from relationships as much as possible to minimize the chances of getting hurt again. We can alternatively look for something or someone to cover up the past hurts. We are let down when we realize these reactions do nothing to heal the wounds. Hurt is sometimes self-induced instead of inflicted by others. We make bad choices, and the result is pain for both ourselves and others that are affected. And then there are those hurtful situations in which no one seems directly responsible. Sickness, death, and other circumstances of life are just out of anyone's control. These often prove to be the most difficult of all.
Over time, wounds from hurts turn into scars.
After the initial wounding, there is a journey through the healing process. Sometimes that journey is long and painful. Many of our wounds leave scars (both physical and emotional). These scars feel ugly, so we want to hide them from others. We do not even want to look at them ourselves.
Often, our only option is to table the "why" questions.
From the moment of being hurt, we want to know "Why?". I believe it would be arrogant and presumptuous to try to answer that question. From my experience, and hearing others' talk about their hurts, the honest answer to this most difficult question is "I don't know". But we are hesitant to say those words out of fear of looking ignorant, feeling pressure to have all the answers, or wanting so badly to say the right thing to someone we know needs comfort. Thankfully, the truth is we don't need answers to be comforted, and we don't need answers to be a comfort to others.
The point of any story is rarely understood until the conclusion.
Jesus was wounded in many ways up until his crucifixion. Even after his resurrection, Jesus was left with scars from the wounds He received. These scars are mentioned in John 20 when Thomas asked to touch them in order to know if it was actually Jesus or an imposter. As Thomas saw the scars and touched them, he immediately knew it was Jesus. The scars on Jesus' hands, feet, and side identified Him. They told a story. At that point, Thomas and others began to understood what once was a mystery to them. I suspect many of us will one day touch those scars ourselves in awe of what took place in the making of those scars, and what they truly mean.
Our scars will tell a story, too.
We, ourselves, have scars that will one day tell a story. But for now, the wounds and scars are a mystery. Most of them will likely remain that way for a while. The point of hurt may not be that our scars will one day tell a beautiful story, and it certainly does not fix anything even if they did. However, it may can be a source of hope for us if they do.
Over time, wounds from hurts turn into scars.
After the initial wounding, there is a journey through the healing process. Sometimes that journey is long and painful. Many of our wounds leave scars (both physical and emotional). These scars feel ugly, so we want to hide them from others. We do not even want to look at them ourselves.
Often, our only option is to table the "why" questions.
From the moment of being hurt, we want to know "Why?". I believe it would be arrogant and presumptuous to try to answer that question. From my experience, and hearing others' talk about their hurts, the honest answer to this most difficult question is "I don't know". But we are hesitant to say those words out of fear of looking ignorant, feeling pressure to have all the answers, or wanting so badly to say the right thing to someone we know needs comfort. Thankfully, the truth is we don't need answers to be comforted, and we don't need answers to be a comfort to others.
The point of any story is rarely understood until the conclusion.
Jesus was wounded in many ways up until his crucifixion. Even after his resurrection, Jesus was left with scars from the wounds He received. These scars are mentioned in John 20 when Thomas asked to touch them in order to know if it was actually Jesus or an imposter. As Thomas saw the scars and touched them, he immediately knew it was Jesus. The scars on Jesus' hands, feet, and side identified Him. They told a story. At that point, Thomas and others began to understood what once was a mystery to them. I suspect many of us will one day touch those scars ourselves in awe of what took place in the making of those scars, and what they truly mean.
Our scars will tell a story, too.
We, ourselves, have scars that will one day tell a story. But for now, the wounds and scars are a mystery. Most of them will likely remain that way for a while. The point of hurt may not be that our scars will one day tell a beautiful story, and it certainly does not fix anything even if they did. However, it may can be a source of hope for us if they do.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Focusing on the Wrong Thing First
I was reading through Colossians a few days ago and noticed that the author's approach to issues within the Church in Colosse was much different than how we often approach similar situations. One of the issues in the church was the practice of worshipping angels. With angels being elevated to that status in the hearts and minds of the people, they were in danger of losing perspective of who they needed to be following first and foremost: Christ.
Immediately pointing out what is wrong is often the wrong approach.
I find it tempting, in situations in which I observe others potentially headed down the wrong path, to immediately point it out to them. I know I often find myself doing this with my son. I think it is important to say here that I am not always right. My thoughts are sometimes only perceptions and opinions instead of truth. But even when I am right, this approach seems to fall short of the outcome I desire. Instead of helping the person, I drive them away and our relationship suffers.
Love and concern is a great foundation for any interaction with others.
With the Colossians, Paul did not begin with, "Hey, quit worshipping angels. It's wrong." Instead, he focused on a few other things. One of the things Paul did was convey his love for the Colossians. True love and concern was the basis for him writing the letter to them. He told them how often he prayed for them. Paul mentioned how he had struggled greatly at times as he thought of them, desperately wanting the best for them. Paul didn't just have them on a routine prayer list, he devoted a lot of his time and energy to them. And Paul did not just rely on words like "I love you", his actions were also evidence of his love. When the Colossians read this letter, Paul wanted them to know how much they were loved, period.
Encouragement is more powerful than criticism.
Paul also took time to point out how thankful he was for the good things the Colossians had been doing. He pointed out their strengths, including their love for others and their faith in Jesus Christ. He did not let some of their shortcomings cause him to forget their value and strengths. He showed his thankfulness for the hearts God had given them in Christ and how they had exercised those hearts in what they did. Although Paul knew of the bad teachings that were plaguing the church, he was careful to recall how many good things were flowing through them as well. He chose to address those things first.
Pointing to Christ is better than pointing out mistakes.
Then Paul went on to talk a lot about Christ. He wrote about redemption in Jesus, the forgiveness of sins, and the strength and wisdom available in Him. Paul pointed out how all things were created through Him and for Him. Paul reminded them of the new life Christ has given them, and the former life He rescued them from. After reading through all of this part of the letter, it would be difficult for any believer to be left wondering how worthy Christ is of our worship. With the description he wrote of Christ, the Christian Colossians could not help but be drawn to Him...instead of angels or any other idol.
What is good for others is also good for us.
What Paul did with his friends in Colosse is something that we need to practice as well, not just in relating to others, but dealing with our own struggles. The war over bad behaviors and difficult emotional states is not won by being critical, focusing directly on what's wrong, and trying to fix it. The truth is we all need something outside of us to focus on and overpower those things. Our Heavenly Father has abundant love and concern for us. He is not focused on our mistakes. He is proud of who we are as His children and will gladly encourage us along the way and give us what we need. And that relationship with Him was, is, and will always be possible through Christ. What better way to point to that relationship than to treat others and ourselves the way God does?
Immediately pointing out what is wrong is often the wrong approach.
I find it tempting, in situations in which I observe others potentially headed down the wrong path, to immediately point it out to them. I know I often find myself doing this with my son. I think it is important to say here that I am not always right. My thoughts are sometimes only perceptions and opinions instead of truth. But even when I am right, this approach seems to fall short of the outcome I desire. Instead of helping the person, I drive them away and our relationship suffers.
Love and concern is a great foundation for any interaction with others.
With the Colossians, Paul did not begin with, "Hey, quit worshipping angels. It's wrong." Instead, he focused on a few other things. One of the things Paul did was convey his love for the Colossians. True love and concern was the basis for him writing the letter to them. He told them how often he prayed for them. Paul mentioned how he had struggled greatly at times as he thought of them, desperately wanting the best for them. Paul didn't just have them on a routine prayer list, he devoted a lot of his time and energy to them. And Paul did not just rely on words like "I love you", his actions were also evidence of his love. When the Colossians read this letter, Paul wanted them to know how much they were loved, period.
Encouragement is more powerful than criticism.
Paul also took time to point out how thankful he was for the good things the Colossians had been doing. He pointed out their strengths, including their love for others and their faith in Jesus Christ. He did not let some of their shortcomings cause him to forget their value and strengths. He showed his thankfulness for the hearts God had given them in Christ and how they had exercised those hearts in what they did. Although Paul knew of the bad teachings that were plaguing the church, he was careful to recall how many good things were flowing through them as well. He chose to address those things first.
Pointing to Christ is better than pointing out mistakes.
Then Paul went on to talk a lot about Christ. He wrote about redemption in Jesus, the forgiveness of sins, and the strength and wisdom available in Him. Paul pointed out how all things were created through Him and for Him. Paul reminded them of the new life Christ has given them, and the former life He rescued them from. After reading through all of this part of the letter, it would be difficult for any believer to be left wondering how worthy Christ is of our worship. With the description he wrote of Christ, the Christian Colossians could not help but be drawn to Him...instead of angels or any other idol.
What is good for others is also good for us.
What Paul did with his friends in Colosse is something that we need to practice as well, not just in relating to others, but dealing with our own struggles. The war over bad behaviors and difficult emotional states is not won by being critical, focusing directly on what's wrong, and trying to fix it. The truth is we all need something outside of us to focus on and overpower those things. Our Heavenly Father has abundant love and concern for us. He is not focused on our mistakes. He is proud of who we are as His children and will gladly encourage us along the way and give us what we need. And that relationship with Him was, is, and will always be possible through Christ. What better way to point to that relationship than to treat others and ourselves the way God does?
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Labels
Identifying myself has never been an easy thing for me. I have often found myself stalling when, in the process of signing up for a social media site, I get to the "about me" section. Immediately, I think about my relationships and what I do. I am a father, a husband, a son, and a brother. I am a counselor and an accountant. Hobbies that I enjoy, such as weightlifting and listening to music, come to my mind. Political views can be thrown in there as well, although this is not something that I tend to do. Having studied temperament counseling, I also know that my temperament (which describes specific and consistent aspects of my personality) is something called "Melancholy". The information that goes along with that tells me quite a bit about my tendencies, needs, strengths, and weaknesses.
Labels are helpful, but not sufficient.
That kind of information is helpful in giving others an idea of who we are. However, it is not enough. We are so complex, simple labels cannot adequately describe all that we are. Although I can say that I am a husband, or even a "husband that loves his wife", no one can see how I relate to her and how I convey my love with a few, mere words. If I described myself as a Republican or Democrat, that would give someone a general idea of my views, but would come very short of conveying my complete ideology. We need to be open to the fact that labels are just helpful tools, not something to be relied upon strictly.
Labels can be bondage.
Although helpful at times, labels can also become detrimental. As with anything taken in excess, labels, too, can become excessive and relied upon too much. I remember a point during my full-time counseling work when I realized I had lost myself. I know that may sound a bit strange, but let me explain. While at work, ministering to others, I was fine. While away from work, I was not. I was stressed out and resembled a zombie much of the time. All I could think about was the sessions I had the previous week and the sessions I would have the following week. I was a counselor. Unfortunately, I had allowed that to be ALL that I was. Once I realized that and released that label as the sum of my identity, I found freedom. The label of "counselor" was, and is, a wonderful output of who I am, but it is not ALL that I am. That goes for any other label as well.
Labels may come from an unreliable source.
I have stated many times that I often struggle with feeling stupid. Without going to far into that again, let me just say that a common tendency for me is to assume I am an idiot. This, obviously, is a label that I sometimes allow to describe me. That leads to behaviors and feelings consistent with that label, such as trying to prove myself, attain more knowledge, hide from chances of being exposed as an idiot, etc. It is vitally important to examine the source of our labels. All labels are not completely accurate. However, some are completely inaccurate.
The truth of who we are needs to be sought above all else.
Regardless of the source of our labels, the best way to determine whether or not that source is accurate is to have access to the truth. When we know the truth, the false labels are easily recognized. Once we recognize them, we can choose to believe the truth and act accordingly. A more accurate label can even be applied, if necessary. The trouble here is, where do we go for truth regarding who we are? We can ask family and friends, we can look at our accomplishments and failures, and we can read and study books on the subject. However, the trouble is that those sources can all be unreliable at times. What we need is a consistent source of truth so that we are not blown around by feelings and what we or others think.
Ask God for an accurate label.
Being our Father and Creator, God knows us better than anyone, including ourselves. God is Love, and He is also Truth. As I read through the Bible, I find it very helpful to frequently ask Him the question, "Who am I?". I have heard others doing it by asking God for his or her true "name". However we decide to do it, we need to acknowledge Him as the perfect source of telling us truth, including about who we are. If God filled out my "about me" section, what would He say? That's what I need to know, believe, and hold onto when other sources tell me something different.
Labels are helpful, but not sufficient.
That kind of information is helpful in giving others an idea of who we are. However, it is not enough. We are so complex, simple labels cannot adequately describe all that we are. Although I can say that I am a husband, or even a "husband that loves his wife", no one can see how I relate to her and how I convey my love with a few, mere words. If I described myself as a Republican or Democrat, that would give someone a general idea of my views, but would come very short of conveying my complete ideology. We need to be open to the fact that labels are just helpful tools, not something to be relied upon strictly.
Labels can be bondage.
Although helpful at times, labels can also become detrimental. As with anything taken in excess, labels, too, can become excessive and relied upon too much. I remember a point during my full-time counseling work when I realized I had lost myself. I know that may sound a bit strange, but let me explain. While at work, ministering to others, I was fine. While away from work, I was not. I was stressed out and resembled a zombie much of the time. All I could think about was the sessions I had the previous week and the sessions I would have the following week. I was a counselor. Unfortunately, I had allowed that to be ALL that I was. Once I realized that and released that label as the sum of my identity, I found freedom. The label of "counselor" was, and is, a wonderful output of who I am, but it is not ALL that I am. That goes for any other label as well.
Labels may come from an unreliable source.
I have stated many times that I often struggle with feeling stupid. Without going to far into that again, let me just say that a common tendency for me is to assume I am an idiot. This, obviously, is a label that I sometimes allow to describe me. That leads to behaviors and feelings consistent with that label, such as trying to prove myself, attain more knowledge, hide from chances of being exposed as an idiot, etc. It is vitally important to examine the source of our labels. All labels are not completely accurate. However, some are completely inaccurate.
The truth of who we are needs to be sought above all else.
Regardless of the source of our labels, the best way to determine whether or not that source is accurate is to have access to the truth. When we know the truth, the false labels are easily recognized. Once we recognize them, we can choose to believe the truth and act accordingly. A more accurate label can even be applied, if necessary. The trouble here is, where do we go for truth regarding who we are? We can ask family and friends, we can look at our accomplishments and failures, and we can read and study books on the subject. However, the trouble is that those sources can all be unreliable at times. What we need is a consistent source of truth so that we are not blown around by feelings and what we or others think.
Ask God for an accurate label.
Being our Father and Creator, God knows us better than anyone, including ourselves. God is Love, and He is also Truth. As I read through the Bible, I find it very helpful to frequently ask Him the question, "Who am I?". I have heard others doing it by asking God for his or her true "name". However we decide to do it, we need to acknowledge Him as the perfect source of telling us truth, including about who we are. If God filled out my "about me" section, what would He say? That's what I need to know, believe, and hold onto when other sources tell me something different.
Tuesday, June 03, 2014
Driven by Fear
Having struggled greatly with anxiety at times in my life, I have had many opportunities to experience and examine its affect on me. Fear is an extremely powerful motivator, but not in a good way. Fear of failure can stall advancement in our occupations, as we would rather play it safe and not try than to face the chance of not succeeding. Fear of the unknown can paralyze us, leading us to choose a risk-free existence rather really living life to the fullest. Fear of what others might think can drive us to be people pleasers, burning us out with all the work it takes trying to make others happy. The same fear can have the opposite affect, leading us to push everyone away as we assume there's no hope in being accepted anyway.
Coping mechanisms are not the cure for anxiety and fear.
In having ample time to ponder my own fears and the horrible symptoms that come with anxiety (sleeplessness, physical shakes, dizziness, stomach aches, forgetfulness, brain fog, headaches, busyness, irritability, etc.), I have had equal opportunity to seek out a cure, or at least something to lessen the effects. There are very good coping mechanisms available, none of which I will cover here. The reason is this: they are temporary at best and provide no lasting peace.
The one thing we cannot do without is love.
There is one thing I find myself fighting in life, which ironically makes my fears and anxiety much worse. This fight actually gives them more power over me. I fight "receiving love". Why in the world would I do that? Out of the emotional needs that we all have, love is at the top of the list. It's what we all come into this world needing more than anything else. God defines Himself as love, and when separated from that love, we are scrambling around, hopeless.
When I fail to receive love, its because I do not believe I am lovable.
Deep down, I mostly feel that I don't deserve love. I wonder how in the world someone could genuinely offer me their affection. I doubt their sincerity or think they "don't know the real me". Love is generally not comfortable, at times, either. I believe this has to do with the fact that I do not feel that it could be real. I do not even love myself half the time, so how could anyone else? Love also has this wild tendency to bring out my emotions, another thing with which I am not exactly comfortable. I'd rather hide so all my skeletons don't get out of the closet.
Love and fear cannot coexist.
For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" (Romans 8:15, ESV)
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4:18, ESV)
These are only two of the many passages that specifically state the opposing relationship between love and fear. In Romans 8:15, Paul wants his readers to know how important it is to embrace our relationship with God. The rules we set up, in church or personally, are useless when it comes to finding freedom in Christ (from fear or any bondage). The key is the relationship.
Peace is found in love, and God is love personified.
Experiencing God as our "Father", instead of whatever image we have of him is crucial in experiencing His love. And that love is what frees us from fear. Instead of fearing punishment, not being good enough for Him (or others), or feeling as if we must work just a little bit harder to earn his acceptance, He wants more for us. He simply wants us to cry out to Him, fall into His embrace, and find the peace that can only come through His Grace.
Coping mechanisms are not the cure for anxiety and fear.
In having ample time to ponder my own fears and the horrible symptoms that come with anxiety (sleeplessness, physical shakes, dizziness, stomach aches, forgetfulness, brain fog, headaches, busyness, irritability, etc.), I have had equal opportunity to seek out a cure, or at least something to lessen the effects. There are very good coping mechanisms available, none of which I will cover here. The reason is this: they are temporary at best and provide no lasting peace.
The one thing we cannot do without is love.
There is one thing I find myself fighting in life, which ironically makes my fears and anxiety much worse. This fight actually gives them more power over me. I fight "receiving love". Why in the world would I do that? Out of the emotional needs that we all have, love is at the top of the list. It's what we all come into this world needing more than anything else. God defines Himself as love, and when separated from that love, we are scrambling around, hopeless.
When I fail to receive love, its because I do not believe I am lovable.
Deep down, I mostly feel that I don't deserve love. I wonder how in the world someone could genuinely offer me their affection. I doubt their sincerity or think they "don't know the real me". Love is generally not comfortable, at times, either. I believe this has to do with the fact that I do not feel that it could be real. I do not even love myself half the time, so how could anyone else? Love also has this wild tendency to bring out my emotions, another thing with which I am not exactly comfortable. I'd rather hide so all my skeletons don't get out of the closet.
Love and fear cannot coexist.
For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" (Romans 8:15, ESV)
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4:18, ESV)
These are only two of the many passages that specifically state the opposing relationship between love and fear. In Romans 8:15, Paul wants his readers to know how important it is to embrace our relationship with God. The rules we set up, in church or personally, are useless when it comes to finding freedom in Christ (from fear or any bondage). The key is the relationship.
Peace is found in love, and God is love personified.
Experiencing God as our "Father", instead of whatever image we have of him is crucial in experiencing His love. And that love is what frees us from fear. Instead of fearing punishment, not being good enough for Him (or others), or feeling as if we must work just a little bit harder to earn his acceptance, He wants more for us. He simply wants us to cry out to Him, fall into His embrace, and find the peace that can only come through His Grace.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Finding Yourself
Being self-centered is something we can easily point out in others. We see it in those people who always find a way to turn the conversation to themselves. They complain about everything and how bad they have it. They remind us constantly of their last accomplishment, urging us covertly to acknowledge it and pat them on the back. They get angry when we do not show them enough attention or leave them out.
Self-centeredness is not just a problem THEY have.
However, we need not be so quick to criticize these people for making it all about them. Instead, it may pay off greatly for us to take this as a cue to examine ourselves first, as this self-centered tendency is not something to which any of us are immune. In fact, we may be deeper into that sort of world view than we think.
Self-centeredness can be hard to see in ourselves.
The truth is self-centeredness can be rather hard to uncover when it pertains to looking at yourself. Just this past week, God reminded me of a way I do this. Those of you that know me, know that I frequently examine myself as well as others, trying to understand and help both. The first several years as a counselor, I delved even deeper into the self-examination. This was wonderful because the Lord revealed so many things about me that needed to be brought to light. It was a catalyst for many changes. However, there is a point in which self-examination is not healthy, and I have found I cross that line often.
Self-examination can be a good or bad thing.
When I focus so much on self-examination that all that remains is criticism, I have crossed that line. Think about how we view others when we are critical of them. We focus on their weaknesses and how they are not as we would like them to be. We do not enjoy being around them because we do not see the positive aspects of those people because all we see are the negative things we pick out. When we are critical of ourselves, it is no different. We focus on perceived weaknesses, things that we'd like to change about ourselves, and completely miss anything we could enjoy about ourselves.
Self-examination, by its very name, implies focus on self.
The problem, it seems, is that excessive self-examination is self-centered instead of Christ-centered. If the examination process does not lead to discovering joy in who God created me to be, then I have failed to attain the goal of finding something true about myself. Instead, I have sought out to find "everything wrong with me and fix it". This is a path to hopelessness as self-help never leads to surrendering and allowing God to do His work in and through me.
Healthy self-examination leads to freedom and joy, not just more things to fix.
To truly understand an object, one will find out the most about it from its Creator. To truly understand, or "find ourselves", we must not look to discover who we are without conversing with the One who knit us together in our mothers' wombs. Although I can see glimpses of Him in myself and others, it is not likely I will notice these truths without His influence. The more I know Him, the more I know myself and others.
Self-centeredness is not just a problem THEY have.
However, we need not be so quick to criticize these people for making it all about them. Instead, it may pay off greatly for us to take this as a cue to examine ourselves first, as this self-centered tendency is not something to which any of us are immune. In fact, we may be deeper into that sort of world view than we think.
Self-centeredness can be hard to see in ourselves.
The truth is self-centeredness can be rather hard to uncover when it pertains to looking at yourself. Just this past week, God reminded me of a way I do this. Those of you that know me, know that I frequently examine myself as well as others, trying to understand and help both. The first several years as a counselor, I delved even deeper into the self-examination. This was wonderful because the Lord revealed so many things about me that needed to be brought to light. It was a catalyst for many changes. However, there is a point in which self-examination is not healthy, and I have found I cross that line often.
Self-examination can be a good or bad thing.
When I focus so much on self-examination that all that remains is criticism, I have crossed that line. Think about how we view others when we are critical of them. We focus on their weaknesses and how they are not as we would like them to be. We do not enjoy being around them because we do not see the positive aspects of those people because all we see are the negative things we pick out. When we are critical of ourselves, it is no different. We focus on perceived weaknesses, things that we'd like to change about ourselves, and completely miss anything we could enjoy about ourselves.
Self-examination, by its very name, implies focus on self.
The problem, it seems, is that excessive self-examination is self-centered instead of Christ-centered. If the examination process does not lead to discovering joy in who God created me to be, then I have failed to attain the goal of finding something true about myself. Instead, I have sought out to find "everything wrong with me and fix it". This is a path to hopelessness as self-help never leads to surrendering and allowing God to do His work in and through me.
Healthy self-examination leads to freedom and joy, not just more things to fix.
To truly understand an object, one will find out the most about it from its Creator. To truly understand, or "find ourselves", we must not look to discover who we are without conversing with the One who knit us together in our mothers' wombs. Although I can see glimpses of Him in myself and others, it is not likely I will notice these truths without His influence. The more I know Him, the more I know myself and others.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Reality Check
As a teenager, I struggled greatly with telling the truth. Well, actually, there wasn't much of a struggle going on. For the most part I did not even try to be honest. There were things I wanted others to know, and there were things I did not want them to know. I discovered, during that time, just how awesome my imagination was. I concocted intricate lies that were sprinkled with just enough truth that I was certain my parents (or whoever I was lying to) would be misled. Of course, I had my reasons for doing this that made perfect sense at the time. Ironically, I was a victim of my own imagination and did not know it.
We can lie to ourselves just as good, if not better, than we can lie to others.
Somehow I had misused my imagination to the point that I believed it made perfect sense that I "had" to lie to certain people. Instead of living in reality, I had fallen into an illusion of my own making. I lived several years lying not only to others, but to myself as well. I bought into the lie that I was better off making it up as I went. I even bought into the lie that, amidst my false persona, I knew exactly who I was and what I needed at the time.
When we lie, we block ourselves from the truth we actually need.
I was missing out on so many truths that would have set me free from the anxiety and depression that resulted during that time. The fact is, I was no where near knowing myself, let alone BEING myself, if I was not consistent in how I interacted with others. I ignored the fact that if I lied to those who loved me, then I was trying to avoid feeling the guilt of doing wrong. I was avoiding the warning lights on the dashboard! I was so focused on doing what I wanted, I missed all the signs that those things could not be what I needed.
When we rely on lies and masks to avoid reality, we sabotage our relationships with others.
Of course, in my mind, anyone who offered me truth had to be crazy, out to get me, or worse. I wanted no part of any conversation that did not validate my decisions. I viewed people who disagreed with me as enemies, uninformed, or just plain wrong. I sought people who would only validate my choices (and my lies). Many relationships I had at the time paid the price for my unwillingness to be real.
Despite misuse...our imaginations are a gift from God.
Our imaginations are, indeed, amazing. We can dream of infinite things to experience or create. God's creativity is well seen in these wonderful gifts that He has given us. However, as in my case as a teen, our imaginations can be used in not-so-good ways. When our imaginations lure us away from living in reality, they have ceased to be used the way God intended them to be used. Where we sometimes misuse them as an escape from reality or to fool others, He intended them to be used to find ways to better experience reality and love those around us.
A reality check is not complicated, but it's not easy.
We make the process of a reality check hard because we fear the truth is far worse than the lie we have been living. Typically, looking at the evidence and acknowledging it is all that it takes, but taking a step of faith to actually begin living the truth is difficult. However, it is worth the risk to be able to fully experience the love and relationship God has with us, and to fully enjoy and love those dear to us. The wonderful surprise is that God's Truth about who we are is not what we tend to believe. If we could only see ourselves as He sees us, it would change everything! I hope and pray that God will open up doors this week for each of us to take that scary step to drop the masks and engage that deep longing to freely be who He created us to be.
We can lie to ourselves just as good, if not better, than we can lie to others.
Somehow I had misused my imagination to the point that I believed it made perfect sense that I "had" to lie to certain people. Instead of living in reality, I had fallen into an illusion of my own making. I lived several years lying not only to others, but to myself as well. I bought into the lie that I was better off making it up as I went. I even bought into the lie that, amidst my false persona, I knew exactly who I was and what I needed at the time.
When we lie, we block ourselves from the truth we actually need.
I was missing out on so many truths that would have set me free from the anxiety and depression that resulted during that time. The fact is, I was no where near knowing myself, let alone BEING myself, if I was not consistent in how I interacted with others. I ignored the fact that if I lied to those who loved me, then I was trying to avoid feeling the guilt of doing wrong. I was avoiding the warning lights on the dashboard! I was so focused on doing what I wanted, I missed all the signs that those things could not be what I needed.
When we rely on lies and masks to avoid reality, we sabotage our relationships with others.
Of course, in my mind, anyone who offered me truth had to be crazy, out to get me, or worse. I wanted no part of any conversation that did not validate my decisions. I viewed people who disagreed with me as enemies, uninformed, or just plain wrong. I sought people who would only validate my choices (and my lies). Many relationships I had at the time paid the price for my unwillingness to be real.
Despite misuse...our imaginations are a gift from God.
Our imaginations are, indeed, amazing. We can dream of infinite things to experience or create. God's creativity is well seen in these wonderful gifts that He has given us. However, as in my case as a teen, our imaginations can be used in not-so-good ways. When our imaginations lure us away from living in reality, they have ceased to be used the way God intended them to be used. Where we sometimes misuse them as an escape from reality or to fool others, He intended them to be used to find ways to better experience reality and love those around us.
A reality check is not complicated, but it's not easy.
We make the process of a reality check hard because we fear the truth is far worse than the lie we have been living. Typically, looking at the evidence and acknowledging it is all that it takes, but taking a step of faith to actually begin living the truth is difficult. However, it is worth the risk to be able to fully experience the love and relationship God has with us, and to fully enjoy and love those dear to us. The wonderful surprise is that God's Truth about who we are is not what we tend to believe. If we could only see ourselves as He sees us, it would change everything! I hope and pray that God will open up doors this week for each of us to take that scary step to drop the masks and engage that deep longing to freely be who He created us to be.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Stronger Than Fear
Tonight I met with a group of men to honor, support, and pray for a friend going through a very difficult time in his life. Many emotions were felt as those in the room shared past experiences that reflected the essence of who this man is. At the end, this exceptional man stood up front and shared a few words. As he spoke, my thoughts focused on how much fear must be present in his life right now. However, despite the obstacles he faces ahead, he stood tall and ready to face them. I was, and am still, amazed.
Fear is no measure of courage, and this man proves that without a shadow of a doubt. Despite fears pressing against him, he refuses to allow them to control him. He, instead, embraces the love and support of friends and family as he chooses to fight the battle of his life. Trusting God's love in difficult times is hard, but tonight God reminded me through this courageous man that it's possible. And that love is stronger than any fear.
Monday, May 05, 2014
The Good Fight
When we hear the words "spiritual warfare", we might picture a number of different things. My wife tells me she tends to picture the stereotypical angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, both offering their suggestions in your ears. I, being a bit weird, begin picturing an unseen world of angels and demons, attacking each other on a war-torn battlefield, red skies and all.
Phrases taken from the Bible such as "fight the good fight of faith" (1 Timothy 6:12), "put on the whole armor of God" (Ephesians 6:11), and "the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh" (2 Corinthians 10:4) indicate that there, indeed, is a war going on. But spiritual warfare is not all about a mystical war that we cannot see with our own eyes, or whether to listen to the good or bad angel on our shoulder. The fight is actually right in front of us. We are in the midst of a raging war, even in the seemingly unimportant things that we do every day.
If I tell you that bears only want to give you a hug, and you believe me, you very well may get hurt when you go up to one and try to give it a squeeze. If I tell you a butterfly has an extremely poisonous and painful bite, and you believe me, you will miss the beauty of them as you run away in fear of them.
Our Enemy constantly uses the strongest weapon he has against us. This pervasive, potentially devastating force is surprisingly not as dramatic as we sometimes think. His weapon of choice is deception. If he can get us to believe even one lie, he has successfully lured us away from reality. This is what happened to Adam and Eve, and it's been happening ever since. Sometimes it feels like everyone and everything is against us. It may feel like the Enemy is everywhere, constantly harassing us, even reading our thoughts and making bad things to happen. However, this is not true at all. Once he's pitched us one of his cunning lies, he can kick back while we do the destructive work ourselves by walking around believing him.
If such ridiculous lies about bears and butterflies can be destructive, put it in perspective and try to picture what widespread damage the following lies can do: "You are a pathetic loser, you will never be good enough, you are fat, you are ugly, no one likes you, you are stupid, God wants you to work harder to please Him, God doesn't care about you, that one thing you keep beating yourself up for is too bad for God or anyone to forgive, and you are just a terrible person". In my experience, lies like this are common. They tend to focus on who God is and who I am.
So how do we fight this "good fight"? Timothy blatantly tells us this good fight involves faith. Faith is the most powerful weapon we have been given by God. What better way to fight lies than with truth? Lies pour into every aspect of our life, affecting our emotions, physical health, and relationships. They fuel issues while attempting to raise a child, confront a person who has wronged us, or work through extremely disappointing circumstances. Trusting Him provides us with what we need to dispel lies, see things clearly, and act on things confidently. The Truth sets us free and allows us to enjoy the things God intends for us to enjoy, including such things as relationships, work, and, yes, butterflies.
Phrases taken from the Bible such as "fight the good fight of faith" (1 Timothy 6:12), "put on the whole armor of God" (Ephesians 6:11), and "the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh" (2 Corinthians 10:4) indicate that there, indeed, is a war going on. But spiritual warfare is not all about a mystical war that we cannot see with our own eyes, or whether to listen to the good or bad angel on our shoulder. The fight is actually right in front of us. We are in the midst of a raging war, even in the seemingly unimportant things that we do every day.
If I tell you that bears only want to give you a hug, and you believe me, you very well may get hurt when you go up to one and try to give it a squeeze. If I tell you a butterfly has an extremely poisonous and painful bite, and you believe me, you will miss the beauty of them as you run away in fear of them.
Our Enemy constantly uses the strongest weapon he has against us. This pervasive, potentially devastating force is surprisingly not as dramatic as we sometimes think. His weapon of choice is deception. If he can get us to believe even one lie, he has successfully lured us away from reality. This is what happened to Adam and Eve, and it's been happening ever since. Sometimes it feels like everyone and everything is against us. It may feel like the Enemy is everywhere, constantly harassing us, even reading our thoughts and making bad things to happen. However, this is not true at all. Once he's pitched us one of his cunning lies, he can kick back while we do the destructive work ourselves by walking around believing him.
If such ridiculous lies about bears and butterflies can be destructive, put it in perspective and try to picture what widespread damage the following lies can do: "You are a pathetic loser, you will never be good enough, you are fat, you are ugly, no one likes you, you are stupid, God wants you to work harder to please Him, God doesn't care about you, that one thing you keep beating yourself up for is too bad for God or anyone to forgive, and you are just a terrible person". In my experience, lies like this are common. They tend to focus on who God is and who I am.
So how do we fight this "good fight"? Timothy blatantly tells us this good fight involves faith. Faith is the most powerful weapon we have been given by God. What better way to fight lies than with truth? Lies pour into every aspect of our life, affecting our emotions, physical health, and relationships. They fuel issues while attempting to raise a child, confront a person who has wronged us, or work through extremely disappointing circumstances. Trusting Him provides us with what we need to dispel lies, see things clearly, and act on things confidently. The Truth sets us free and allows us to enjoy the things God intends for us to enjoy, including such things as relationships, work, and, yes, butterflies.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
When We Just Want to Fix It
As a parent, I often find myself in situations in which I want so badly to fix something for my son. It is not pleasant to watch him struggle through things. Recently, he injured himself playing basketball and was sidelined from the sport he loves (track) for several weeks. It was painful knowing he was missing out on track meets he longed to participate in each week.
In that particular case, my son really did not have a choice. The injury was an accident. Sometimes our children, or others that we care about, make choices that really scare us. Sometimes the consequences of those choices are even scarier. What are we to do when we are in the middle of one of these scenarios?
Fix it. That's right. That is the first instinct for most of us, I believe. Sometimes there is no easy fix, but we worry and devise plans to make things as easy as possible for the other person...to "help" them through whatever it is that's going on. We often take on the responsibility to make things right, or whatever it is we think is right (sometimes we are clear on that, sometimes we are not). With the weight of responsibility comes feelings of guilt, and things just get worse from there. We begin blaming ourselves for whatever it is and sometimes get so fixated on it that we are paralyzed by it.
No matter how many times I travel that road of "fixing it", it always starts out looking good at first. However, the road is always treacherous and it never leads to where I wanted it to go. So what's a better choice? It's important to notice that "fixing", in and of itself, implies self-reliance and self-effort. It also implies that we know what the end result needs to be. No where in the process of trying to fix a problem for someone else is there room for trusting God to work things out according to His plan. There is an absence of faith in "fixing".
So, the alternative to "fixing" is to venture down that road of faith. It may not look like much at first, because we tend to feel like since we are not necessarily scrambling and doing a lot of visible work, that we are on the wrong path. However, although faith is less about "doing" and more about "believing", it is far from easy. Trusting any of God's promises can prove to be a very difficult thing for us at any given moment in time.
So what might this look like? Let's ponder, for a moment, how God deals with His children (us!). Despite the fact that God loves us perfectly as our Father, He surprisingly does not choose to fix everything for us. This does not sit well with us at times. However, one thing He always chooses to do is love us. He apparently knows that the most important thing during a crisis is for us is to be loved by Him. That love is more than enough. It is more important, even, than having our problems fixed for us. Trusting in this kind of love and offering it to others is crucial...and far more valuable than any fix we can muster up.
In that particular case, my son really did not have a choice. The injury was an accident. Sometimes our children, or others that we care about, make choices that really scare us. Sometimes the consequences of those choices are even scarier. What are we to do when we are in the middle of one of these scenarios?
Fix it. That's right. That is the first instinct for most of us, I believe. Sometimes there is no easy fix, but we worry and devise plans to make things as easy as possible for the other person...to "help" them through whatever it is that's going on. We often take on the responsibility to make things right, or whatever it is we think is right (sometimes we are clear on that, sometimes we are not). With the weight of responsibility comes feelings of guilt, and things just get worse from there. We begin blaming ourselves for whatever it is and sometimes get so fixated on it that we are paralyzed by it.
No matter how many times I travel that road of "fixing it", it always starts out looking good at first. However, the road is always treacherous and it never leads to where I wanted it to go. So what's a better choice? It's important to notice that "fixing", in and of itself, implies self-reliance and self-effort. It also implies that we know what the end result needs to be. No where in the process of trying to fix a problem for someone else is there room for trusting God to work things out according to His plan. There is an absence of faith in "fixing".
So, the alternative to "fixing" is to venture down that road of faith. It may not look like much at first, because we tend to feel like since we are not necessarily scrambling and doing a lot of visible work, that we are on the wrong path. However, although faith is less about "doing" and more about "believing", it is far from easy. Trusting any of God's promises can prove to be a very difficult thing for us at any given moment in time.
So what might this look like? Let's ponder, for a moment, how God deals with His children (us!). Despite the fact that God loves us perfectly as our Father, He surprisingly does not choose to fix everything for us. This does not sit well with us at times. However, one thing He always chooses to do is love us. He apparently knows that the most important thing during a crisis is for us is to be loved by Him. That love is more than enough. It is more important, even, than having our problems fixed for us. Trusting in this kind of love and offering it to others is crucial...and far more valuable than any fix we can muster up.
Tuesday, April 08, 2014
The Courage to Be Genuine
Not too long ago, my wife and I sat outside having one of our deep discussions. Somehow the topic moved to "Who in our lives do we really respect?". It was an interesting thing for me to ponder. Having been let down more than once by others I had mistakenly put on a pedestal, I am cautious with whom I toss the word "respect" around.
I think we typically look to people we deem "successful"; having something we'd like to have ourselves. Our definition of "successful" may revolve around the accumulation of wealth, power, knowledge, prestige, or fame. I have noticed that we, in general, will even look up to people who simply have the appearance of success, regardless if there actually is any real-life evidence to support the existence of it (such as a person who is a good speaker, dresses stylishly, or has several followers on Twitter or Vine).
Upon meditating about these things, I found myself gravitating towards thoughts of people in my life who are authentic; people who are not posing as something they are not. I guess seven years of ministering to people as a counselor has opened my eyes to the value of a real relationship, where both parties are not interested in trying to put up a front. Painful life situations are not fun, but they certainly provide ample opportunity to take up the courage to risk finding and being yourself, no matter what anyone thinks.
Ironically, people who are on the road towards authenticity often do not even respect themselves at times. They struggle through difficult times and think they are somehow a failure because they do not have it all together. Taking off the masks and being real is far from easy.
I think we typically look to people we deem "successful"; having something we'd like to have ourselves. Our definition of "successful" may revolve around the accumulation of wealth, power, knowledge, prestige, or fame. I have noticed that we, in general, will even look up to people who simply have the appearance of success, regardless if there actually is any real-life evidence to support the existence of it (such as a person who is a good speaker, dresses stylishly, or has several followers on Twitter or Vine).
Upon meditating about these things, I found myself gravitating towards thoughts of people in my life who are authentic; people who are not posing as something they are not. I guess seven years of ministering to people as a counselor has opened my eyes to the value of a real relationship, where both parties are not interested in trying to put up a front. Painful life situations are not fun, but they certainly provide ample opportunity to take up the courage to risk finding and being yourself, no matter what anyone thinks.
Ironically, people who are on the road towards authenticity often do not even respect themselves at times. They struggle through difficult times and think they are somehow a failure because they do not have it all together. Taking off the masks and being real is far from easy.
Well, my message to you, if you are one of those people, is that I hold a deep respect for you. I recognize the courage it takes to be real and push forward in the midst of hardship. I honor the commitment to holding on to the authenticity you have discovered and refusing to revert back to the old ways of doing things. I applaud you for asking God the hard questions, not afraid to admit you are upset or even angry with Him at times. I admire the new heart God has given you and how you are taking steps of faith to put that good heart to use, in spite of that pesky "old self" popping up every now and again. But much more important than what my thoughts and opinions are about you, God honors and loves the fact that you are being who He created you to be.
While being genuine is not the only characteristic worthy of respect, it is the foundation from which many other respectable qualities spring forth. It fuels true relationship. Before any of us even had a relationship with God, we had to get real with Him about who we were and why we needed a Savior. For those of us still struggling with this journey, or perhaps contemplating taking off the masks for the first time, I can think of no greater expression of faith than to risk letting down our guards and simply being who God created us to be.
While being genuine is not the only characteristic worthy of respect, it is the foundation from which many other respectable qualities spring forth. It fuels true relationship. Before any of us even had a relationship with God, we had to get real with Him about who we were and why we needed a Savior. For those of us still struggling with this journey, or perhaps contemplating taking off the masks for the first time, I can think of no greater expression of faith than to risk letting down our guards and simply being who God created us to be.
Tuesday, April 01, 2014
Ten Steps on How to Be a Better Christian
April Fools!
Just a little joke for April Fools' Day. Those of you that know me know that I would never push a self-help approach to the Christian walk. Paul knew the foolishness of such an approach and discussed it with the Galatian believers...
O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified. 2 Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? 3 Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? 4 Did you suffer so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain? 5 Does he who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you do so by works of the law, or by hearing with faith—6 just as Abraham “believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”? 7 Know then that it is those of faith who are the sons of Abraham.
Galatians 3:1-7 (ESV)
We are to walk by faith, not by striving to achieve better behavior. Working hard to be a better person did not get us into a relationship with God. God did that through us trusting in Christ, and that does not change once we become believers. We need Christ every step of the way like we need food and water to live. It continues to be through Faith that we can be the men and women He has created us to be. Without His Grace through Faith, I can no more take one step in the right direction as a follower of Christ than I could take one step towards God without Christ before He saved me.
Just a little joke for April Fools' Day. Those of you that know me know that I would never push a self-help approach to the Christian walk. Paul knew the foolishness of such an approach and discussed it with the Galatian believers...
O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified. 2 Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? 3 Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? 4 Did you suffer so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain? 5 Does he who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you do so by works of the law, or by hearing with faith—6 just as Abraham “believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”? 7 Know then that it is those of faith who are the sons of Abraham.
Galatians 3:1-7 (ESV)
We are to walk by faith, not by striving to achieve better behavior. Working hard to be a better person did not get us into a relationship with God. God did that through us trusting in Christ, and that does not change once we become believers. We need Christ every step of the way like we need food and water to live. It continues to be through Faith that we can be the men and women He has created us to be. Without His Grace through Faith, I can no more take one step in the right direction as a follower of Christ than I could take one step towards God without Christ before He saved me.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
The Fig Leaf of Manners
Being raised in the South, manners were instilled in me from the beginning. I learned to say "Yes Ma'am", "No Sir", "Please", and "Thank You". I was taught to hold the door for ladies, to let them go first, and to walk on the side closest to the road when walking with a lady. I was encouraged to smile when meeting others. I even find myself putting down the toilet seat at work (my coworkers are mostly ladies).
Manners can be a good way to show others respect. Manners can communicate an attitude of friendliness, sending the message that someone else is welcome and/or appreciated. Being nice and respectful is a great thing, unless it comes from an insincere heart.
In a couple of previous posts, I have discussed how we all struggle with shame at points in our lives. Due to these shameful feelings, we have a drive to hide from others. We often find ways to hide (fig leaves, as I am calling them here) that are hard to pick up on. If we are going to hide, we might as well find a fig leaf that hides us well!
Like with anything that can be used for good purposes, manners, or "being nice" can also be used in a not-so-good way. We can hide behind a nice demeanor, a smile, and kind words. I know I have caught myself many times being nice to someone when everything in me is screaming something other than pleasant words. John Lynch, of www.truefaced.com, often says we like to tell others we're "doing just fine!" when we are far from it.
The major problem with misplaced manners is that we fail to acknowledge to not only others, but to ourselves, that something is wrong. Using "niceness" in this way prevents us from addressing real issues that need to be dealt with. I caught myself many times as a counselor, pushing things aside in order to be pleasant with others. While some of that was necessary in order to put them first in counseling sessions, when I left work and went home without addressing the things I had put aside, I was a ticking time bomb.
So, today, I encourage each of my readers to examine your heart when it comes to the attitude you are portraying to others. Does it come from an authentic heart, or from a desire to hide what's really going on inside of you? I encourage us all to take a step of faith, trusting that God will provide the strength we need when we choose to be real rather than fake our way through something. We all need healing, and healing comes when we acknowledge to our loving, Heavenly Father that we need treatment.
Manners can be a good way to show others respect. Manners can communicate an attitude of friendliness, sending the message that someone else is welcome and/or appreciated. Being nice and respectful is a great thing, unless it comes from an insincere heart.
In a couple of previous posts, I have discussed how we all struggle with shame at points in our lives. Due to these shameful feelings, we have a drive to hide from others. We often find ways to hide (fig leaves, as I am calling them here) that are hard to pick up on. If we are going to hide, we might as well find a fig leaf that hides us well!
Like with anything that can be used for good purposes, manners, or "being nice" can also be used in a not-so-good way. We can hide behind a nice demeanor, a smile, and kind words. I know I have caught myself many times being nice to someone when everything in me is screaming something other than pleasant words. John Lynch, of www.truefaced.com, often says we like to tell others we're "doing just fine!" when we are far from it.
The major problem with misplaced manners is that we fail to acknowledge to not only others, but to ourselves, that something is wrong. Using "niceness" in this way prevents us from addressing real issues that need to be dealt with. I caught myself many times as a counselor, pushing things aside in order to be pleasant with others. While some of that was necessary in order to put them first in counseling sessions, when I left work and went home without addressing the things I had put aside, I was a ticking time bomb.
So, today, I encourage each of my readers to examine your heart when it comes to the attitude you are portraying to others. Does it come from an authentic heart, or from a desire to hide what's really going on inside of you? I encourage us all to take a step of faith, trusting that God will provide the strength we need when we choose to be real rather than fake our way through something. We all need healing, and healing comes when we acknowledge to our loving, Heavenly Father that we need treatment.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Sarcastic Jesus
Have you ever known a message to be taken the wrong way? As most of us have realized at this point, media such as text and email lack the ability to properly convey tone and/or emotion. We say one thing, but our recipient reads something else altogether. If I send someone a question and the response is "nope", depending on my state of mind, some questions may enter my mind. Why are they being short with me? Are they ticked off? What could I have done? Of course, the recipient may be upset with me about something, but there are other possibilities as well. Perhaps, for instance, he is very busy at work and only had time to type out a quick response.
I have found that we tend to do this with Scripture. Often, we make an assumption about the tone we think Paul, Moses, or even Jesus is using when we read verses from the Bible. One of the tones that we commonly assume Jesus is speaking with is sarcasm. I believe this comes from many of us being sarcastic ourselves, so we assume Jesus to be the same way! Sarcasm is condescending. It is also a good indicator of anger, so when we apply this tone to Jesus' words, we view Jesus as constantly speaking angrily with a condescending voice to us. Jesus did not always speak gently, but He did not constantly speak out of anger or disgust either.
It is easy for us to assume God is constantly angry with us due to our imperfections. However, Scripture is clear that, through Christ, God fully accepts and forgives us. He is slow to anger and does not ever withhold one bit of His love from us. God is not anxiously waiting for opportunities to strike His children down with a lightning bolt...or with a witty, condescending comment. What would happen if we began taking just a moment to consider He may be speaking with a very different tone than what we first assumed when reading about Him?
I have found that we tend to do this with Scripture. Often, we make an assumption about the tone we think Paul, Moses, or even Jesus is using when we read verses from the Bible. One of the tones that we commonly assume Jesus is speaking with is sarcasm. I believe this comes from many of us being sarcastic ourselves, so we assume Jesus to be the same way! Sarcasm is condescending. It is also a good indicator of anger, so when we apply this tone to Jesus' words, we view Jesus as constantly speaking angrily with a condescending voice to us. Jesus did not always speak gently, but He did not constantly speak out of anger or disgust either.
It is easy for us to assume God is constantly angry with us due to our imperfections. However, Scripture is clear that, through Christ, God fully accepts and forgives us. He is slow to anger and does not ever withhold one bit of His love from us. God is not anxiously waiting for opportunities to strike His children down with a lightning bolt...or with a witty, condescending comment. What would happen if we began taking just a moment to consider He may be speaking with a very different tone than what we first assumed when reading about Him?
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
What If
Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life...O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
(Matthew 6:25a,30b-34, ESV)
Worry is a common threat to our everyday wellbeing. Short term, it robs us of enjoying anything in the present. Long term, it can literally eat a hole in your stomach or even cause a heart attack or stroke. Not many days go by that we do not worry about something. Jesus knew this was an issue for us, so he addressed it.
In Matthew's record of Jesus' thoughts on worry, Jesus mentions specific things we worry about. He mentions things like food, water, and clothing. He doesn't mention things we would simply like to have. He focuses on physical needs, and Jesus acknowledges that God knows we need those things. He knows we need other things as well, such as acceptance, love, and security. I can assume, anytime I worry, I have called into question God's intention to meet a need that I have. I may have to dig a little bit into my thoughts to figure out which one (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Our lack of trusting Him to provide for our needs leads to us trying to figure out how to meet them ourselves, which is why Jesus lovingly points to the faith issue in Matthew 6:30. Worrying never gets us what we need. I have heard someone say it's like a rocking chair: no matter how hard you work, it gets you no where. Even if we could answer all the "what if's" (which is primarily what worry is all about), it still costs way more than it's worth. God wants us to know the real issue behind it all. He wants us to know it all comes back to our relationship with Him.
Beyond knowing that God says He will meet our needs, we must experience the kind of love He has for us to trust that He will keep His word. When you believe wholeheartedly that someone loves you unconditionally, you trust their motives. You also trust that what they say, they have every intention of following through on. And when it comes to God, He has everything at His disposal to make sure His children have exactly what we need when we need it.
Worry is a common threat to our everyday wellbeing. Short term, it robs us of enjoying anything in the present. Long term, it can literally eat a hole in your stomach or even cause a heart attack or stroke. Not many days go by that we do not worry about something. Jesus knew this was an issue for us, so he addressed it.
In Matthew's record of Jesus' thoughts on worry, Jesus mentions specific things we worry about. He mentions things like food, water, and clothing. He doesn't mention things we would simply like to have. He focuses on physical needs, and Jesus acknowledges that God knows we need those things. He knows we need other things as well, such as acceptance, love, and security. I can assume, anytime I worry, I have called into question God's intention to meet a need that I have. I may have to dig a little bit into my thoughts to figure out which one (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Our lack of trusting Him to provide for our needs leads to us trying to figure out how to meet them ourselves, which is why Jesus lovingly points to the faith issue in Matthew 6:30. Worrying never gets us what we need. I have heard someone say it's like a rocking chair: no matter how hard you work, it gets you no where. Even if we could answer all the "what if's" (which is primarily what worry is all about), it still costs way more than it's worth. God wants us to know the real issue behind it all. He wants us to know it all comes back to our relationship with Him.
Beyond knowing that God says He will meet our needs, we must experience the kind of love He has for us to trust that He will keep His word. When you believe wholeheartedly that someone loves you unconditionally, you trust their motives. You also trust that what they say, they have every intention of following through on. And when it comes to God, He has everything at His disposal to make sure His children have exactly what we need when we need it.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
The Fig Leaf of Words
Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.
And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. (Genesis 3:7-8, ESV)
Like Adam and Eve in the garden, we have all felt the urge to find some fig leaves to hide behind. When shame hits us, it is our first instinct. It can happen when we've done wrong, when someone's hurt us, when we've been embarrassed, or when we see a weakness in ourselves. Eventually, it becomes second-nature...something we do without even realizing the source. We just, by habit, put on a mask to hide behind and go about our everyday lives hoping no one sees through it.
To walk by faith and not allow shame to control us, it's good to do these three things: 1) identify our personal "fig leaves" (our masks or how we hide), 2) identify the reason why we hide behind those fig leaves, and 3) identify the truth that sets us free from them.
I sometimes use words as a fig leaf. Although any empty words will do, bigger words are better because they are easier to hide behind. When I can masterfully create a barrier with words, others do not see the real me. This fig leaf leads to getting bogged down in conversations that sound very intellectual but do not actually go very deep. Basically, true relationship with others loses out to things like "theological mumbo jumbo". When this fig leaf is used, things said are not necessarily bad or untrue, but the chosen words just do not reveal the whole picture.
One reason I find myself hiding behind words is to prevent others from seeing painful emotions (guilt, shame, anger, etc.). The empty talk allows me to avoid revealing what's really going on inside. The phrase, "fake it till you make it", comes to mind. Unfortunately, "faking it" never turns into being real, dealing with inner struggles, and healing.
Another reason we hide is that there are things we do not like about ourselves. In my case, deep down I often see myself as "not good enough". Although I know the truth in my head, I sometimes struggle with actually believing that God loves me and accepts me, no questions asked. I put the pressure on myself to earn what He gives freely through Christ. When I believe God is waiting for me to prove myself, I quickly grab the closest fig leaf to hide behind. He lovingly calls out to me often, encouraging me to trust Him and who He created me to be in Christ. By faith (taking Him at His word), I am able to step out from behind whatever bush I am hiding behind.
This was an important blog post for me, for two reasons. First, I think, as Christians, we often believe it's best for others to only see how "well-put-together Jesus makes us". However, that rarely points people to Christ. A person struggling and trusting Jesus is much more convincing of the Gospel than a know-it-all who "has it all together", even when preaching the truth. The Gospel message relieves us of the pressure to have it all together, and points us to a savior to rely on every step of the way. He is the remedy for fig leaves.
Second, it is safe to say that some of you reading this have been exposed to my "fig leaf of words" at some point. I apologize to you. I pray that God will allow me to continue to experience His love in new ways so that what you see when you interact with me is more of Him and less of a fig leaf. Receiving His love is what is required for me to be the authentic man He created me to be, one who is free and does not mind getting out from behind the words.
2 Corinthians 2:1-5
Ephesians 3:14-19
And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. (Genesis 3:7-8, ESV)
Like Adam and Eve in the garden, we have all felt the urge to find some fig leaves to hide behind. When shame hits us, it is our first instinct. It can happen when we've done wrong, when someone's hurt us, when we've been embarrassed, or when we see a weakness in ourselves. Eventually, it becomes second-nature...something we do without even realizing the source. We just, by habit, put on a mask to hide behind and go about our everyday lives hoping no one sees through it.
To walk by faith and not allow shame to control us, it's good to do these three things: 1) identify our personal "fig leaves" (our masks or how we hide), 2) identify the reason why we hide behind those fig leaves, and 3) identify the truth that sets us free from them.
I sometimes use words as a fig leaf. Although any empty words will do, bigger words are better because they are easier to hide behind. When I can masterfully create a barrier with words, others do not see the real me. This fig leaf leads to getting bogged down in conversations that sound very intellectual but do not actually go very deep. Basically, true relationship with others loses out to things like "theological mumbo jumbo". When this fig leaf is used, things said are not necessarily bad or untrue, but the chosen words just do not reveal the whole picture.
One reason I find myself hiding behind words is to prevent others from seeing painful emotions (guilt, shame, anger, etc.). The empty talk allows me to avoid revealing what's really going on inside. The phrase, "fake it till you make it", comes to mind. Unfortunately, "faking it" never turns into being real, dealing with inner struggles, and healing.
Another reason we hide is that there are things we do not like about ourselves. In my case, deep down I often see myself as "not good enough". Although I know the truth in my head, I sometimes struggle with actually believing that God loves me and accepts me, no questions asked. I put the pressure on myself to earn what He gives freely through Christ. When I believe God is waiting for me to prove myself, I quickly grab the closest fig leaf to hide behind. He lovingly calls out to me often, encouraging me to trust Him and who He created me to be in Christ. By faith (taking Him at His word), I am able to step out from behind whatever bush I am hiding behind.
This was an important blog post for me, for two reasons. First, I think, as Christians, we often believe it's best for others to only see how "well-put-together Jesus makes us". However, that rarely points people to Christ. A person struggling and trusting Jesus is much more convincing of the Gospel than a know-it-all who "has it all together", even when preaching the truth. The Gospel message relieves us of the pressure to have it all together, and points us to a savior to rely on every step of the way. He is the remedy for fig leaves.
Second, it is safe to say that some of you reading this have been exposed to my "fig leaf of words" at some point. I apologize to you. I pray that God will allow me to continue to experience His love in new ways so that what you see when you interact with me is more of Him and less of a fig leaf. Receiving His love is what is required for me to be the authentic man He created me to be, one who is free and does not mind getting out from behind the words.
2 Corinthians 2:1-5
Ephesians 3:14-19
Monday, March 10, 2014
Hide and Seek: The Shame Game
We all have experienced things we do not want others to know about us. It may be a past choice or event in our life. It may be a current real or perceived shortcoming. Shame is a real issue, and it leads to a desire to hide. We continually seek ways to conceal our source of shame from not only others, but ourselves as well. It's a perpetual "bob and weave". It's amazing the things we can come up with to do this.
Adam and Eve put on fig leaves after eating of the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. Moses begged God to have someone else do the public speaking for him because he felt he was not adequate. Abraham told other men his beautiful wife was his sister, out of fear that he could not handle the situation if those men knew he was her husband and they decided to try to take her from him. King Saul had severely low self esteem, which led to many bad decisions based on trying to hide his weaknesses from others. King David did everything he could to hide the fact that he had gotten a married woman pregnant, including murdering her husband.
Shame is a consequence of sin. It can bring to light the fact that we have fallen short in some way. It brings out the need we have for restoration. When we hear the Gospel message that we have someone to rely on for that healing and renewing, we find hope and freedom. There is a remedy for shame in our Savior, Jesus. In Him, we are adopted as God's children and become new creatures that we couldn't become on our own.
In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame; in your righteousness deliver me! (Psalm 31:1, ESV)
For His followers, we have access to that saving Grace every second of every day through faith. However, we often lose sight of who we are in Him; chosen, loved, forgiven, and saints. When we fail to rest in those truths, the feelings of shame return. It drains us. It holds us back. It leads to bad decisions. Ironically, although it's good for pointing out our own sin, it can even confuse us into believing we are guilty for other people's actions. To catch myself in this downward spiral, I must be willing to be honest about how I hide because it is the biggest evidence of shame. If I ignore it, the feelings of shame are only stored up, to fester and grow, until they burst out again and slam me face first into the ground.
I plan to spend some time over the next few weeks on this topic and blogging about some ways in which I have discovered myself hiding. As always, it's vitally important for us to take a real look at how we can take steps of faith each and every day. Since shame is so often used as a vicious weapon by the Enemy against us, it's important to examine what it looks like for us to win battles against it.
Adam and Eve put on fig leaves after eating of the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. Moses begged God to have someone else do the public speaking for him because he felt he was not adequate. Abraham told other men his beautiful wife was his sister, out of fear that he could not handle the situation if those men knew he was her husband and they decided to try to take her from him. King Saul had severely low self esteem, which led to many bad decisions based on trying to hide his weaknesses from others. King David did everything he could to hide the fact that he had gotten a married woman pregnant, including murdering her husband.
Shame is a consequence of sin. It can bring to light the fact that we have fallen short in some way. It brings out the need we have for restoration. When we hear the Gospel message that we have someone to rely on for that healing and renewing, we find hope and freedom. There is a remedy for shame in our Savior, Jesus. In Him, we are adopted as God's children and become new creatures that we couldn't become on our own.
In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame; in your righteousness deliver me! (Psalm 31:1, ESV)
For His followers, we have access to that saving Grace every second of every day through faith. However, we often lose sight of who we are in Him; chosen, loved, forgiven, and saints. When we fail to rest in those truths, the feelings of shame return. It drains us. It holds us back. It leads to bad decisions. Ironically, although it's good for pointing out our own sin, it can even confuse us into believing we are guilty for other people's actions. To catch myself in this downward spiral, I must be willing to be honest about how I hide because it is the biggest evidence of shame. If I ignore it, the feelings of shame are only stored up, to fester and grow, until they burst out again and slam me face first into the ground.
I plan to spend some time over the next few weeks on this topic and blogging about some ways in which I have discovered myself hiding. As always, it's vitally important for us to take a real look at how we can take steps of faith each and every day. Since shame is so often used as a vicious weapon by the Enemy against us, it's important to examine what it looks like for us to win battles against it.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
The Easy Way Out
Years ago, I began facing what has proven to be the longest-lasting, most difficult struggle I have experienced. It began suddenly, so I was not prepared. There were no answers. The pervasive "why?" question that inevitably pops up in difficult circumstances had no response. Well, not one that really satisfied my longing for a full, detailed explanation, anyway.
I prayed for God to intervene. I searched for and tried out potential remedies along the way. When experiencing difficult circumstances, "remedies" can come in many different forms, depending on the person and what the struggle is. Whether it comes in the form of a self-help book, a hobby, a relationship, medicine, or something else entirely, when we are desperate, we tend to grab for whatever seems to work.
For me, occasionally, I would find something that would work. By "work", I mean it would make me feel better. But soon I would be right back, faced with the issue once again. It was like a tease, only to be let down over and over again. These "fixes" are so appealing, they are blinding. Nothing else matters but getting that "fix".
When we are hurting, scared, or simply longing for something, we simply want it fixed as quickly as possible. We want to avoid suffering for any period of time. When we can't find an earthly solution, many times we apply the "squeaky wheel" theology. We figure God will eventually fix it for us if we hound him enough in prayer (the "squeaky wheel gets the oil"). But what about those times that we don't get the answer we are looking for?
When God did not fix my problem, I was not at all happy about it. Not having it fixed meant more difficult times. Although there have been times that I have actually accepted my "thorn in the flesh", that was not commonplace at first. There have been numerous instances of me expressing outright anger over what seemed to be His refusal to help me. There have been other times that I have rejected it and pleaded with God for it to be fixed.
Along the way, the Enemy has shown up, more times than not, in the "remedies" I have run across, deceptively promising to give me something God would not or even claiming to be Him giving me what I wanted. In my experience, quick fixes are full of false promises of reward, whether it be for legitimate needs (such as love, acceptance, security, and significance) or things like fame, popularity, financial gain, power, or even physical healing. They play on our emotions, and, although they do not often come as little wooden statues, they are very much idols we look to instead of the Lord.
God did not desire to fix my problem for me. That would have been the easy way out, but it would also be shallow and temporary. Instead of playing the role of Santa Claus and giving me what I wanted, God knew a battle was necessary to give me what I needed. No matter what it took, He wanted me free to be exactly who He created me to be. He knew I would never look to Him if I found the deceptive satisfaction in something else, so He allowed "the thorn" to do its job. It has acted much like a warning light on the dash of a car, indicating something is wrong when I am looking to something other than Him, the true source of everything I need.
Having experienced what it is like for God not to "fix it for me", I have tasted a level of confidence that can only come through hardship. He has lovingly let me suffer in order to meet this need. I have more of an understanding of the confidence He has in His relationship with me. He knows I am His and He will not let me go. He has had confidence, the whole time, that I would persevere.
Instead of being spoiled by getting exactly what I wanted, the struggle has required that I trust Him even more to provide what I am truly seeking. You could say that it has helped to keep me out of trouble that arises from not walking closely with Him. Ironically, the thing I thought would certainly destroy me, has actually been a protective mechanism in my life.
Instead of arrogance taking over, I am humbled by the constant reminder that I can do nothing worthwhile on my own. God knew my family and the friends He would send my way needed a humble man, not an arrogant one. And not only that, but He has given me a connection with the other hurting people I am fortunate enough to get to know. If He had done what I begged for at times, I would have little to no understanding of what others are going through.
There have been, and will be times, that I lose sight of the truth regarding why God chose not to take away this "thorn". During those times, something will falsely appear more satisfying than He is. I pray I will not fall for it, but if I do, I pray I quickly recall the truth and run to Him. While I am seeing these things clearly, I say without hesitation, "Thank you, Lord, for not fixing me".
I prayed for God to intervene. I searched for and tried out potential remedies along the way. When experiencing difficult circumstances, "remedies" can come in many different forms, depending on the person and what the struggle is. Whether it comes in the form of a self-help book, a hobby, a relationship, medicine, or something else entirely, when we are desperate, we tend to grab for whatever seems to work.
For me, occasionally, I would find something that would work. By "work", I mean it would make me feel better. But soon I would be right back, faced with the issue once again. It was like a tease, only to be let down over and over again. These "fixes" are so appealing, they are blinding. Nothing else matters but getting that "fix".
When we are hurting, scared, or simply longing for something, we simply want it fixed as quickly as possible. We want to avoid suffering for any period of time. When we can't find an earthly solution, many times we apply the "squeaky wheel" theology. We figure God will eventually fix it for us if we hound him enough in prayer (the "squeaky wheel gets the oil"). But what about those times that we don't get the answer we are looking for?
When God did not fix my problem, I was not at all happy about it. Not having it fixed meant more difficult times. Although there have been times that I have actually accepted my "thorn in the flesh", that was not commonplace at first. There have been numerous instances of me expressing outright anger over what seemed to be His refusal to help me. There have been other times that I have rejected it and pleaded with God for it to be fixed.
Along the way, the Enemy has shown up, more times than not, in the "remedies" I have run across, deceptively promising to give me something God would not or even claiming to be Him giving me what I wanted. In my experience, quick fixes are full of false promises of reward, whether it be for legitimate needs (such as love, acceptance, security, and significance) or things like fame, popularity, financial gain, power, or even physical healing. They play on our emotions, and, although they do not often come as little wooden statues, they are very much idols we look to instead of the Lord.
God did not desire to fix my problem for me. That would have been the easy way out, but it would also be shallow and temporary. Instead of playing the role of Santa Claus and giving me what I wanted, God knew a battle was necessary to give me what I needed. No matter what it took, He wanted me free to be exactly who He created me to be. He knew I would never look to Him if I found the deceptive satisfaction in something else, so He allowed "the thorn" to do its job. It has acted much like a warning light on the dash of a car, indicating something is wrong when I am looking to something other than Him, the true source of everything I need.
Having experienced what it is like for God not to "fix it for me", I have tasted a level of confidence that can only come through hardship. He has lovingly let me suffer in order to meet this need. I have more of an understanding of the confidence He has in His relationship with me. He knows I am His and He will not let me go. He has had confidence, the whole time, that I would persevere.
Instead of being spoiled by getting exactly what I wanted, the struggle has required that I trust Him even more to provide what I am truly seeking. You could say that it has helped to keep me out of trouble that arises from not walking closely with Him. Ironically, the thing I thought would certainly destroy me, has actually been a protective mechanism in my life.
Instead of arrogance taking over, I am humbled by the constant reminder that I can do nothing worthwhile on my own. God knew my family and the friends He would send my way needed a humble man, not an arrogant one. And not only that, but He has given me a connection with the other hurting people I am fortunate enough to get to know. If He had done what I begged for at times, I would have little to no understanding of what others are going through.
There have been, and will be times, that I lose sight of the truth regarding why God chose not to take away this "thorn". During those times, something will falsely appear more satisfying than He is. I pray I will not fall for it, but if I do, I pray I quickly recall the truth and run to Him. While I am seeing these things clearly, I say without hesitation, "Thank you, Lord, for not fixing me".
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