A Fork in the Road: Manipulation or Faith?

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? (James 4:1-5, ESV)

My wife, son, and I got into watching the television show Big Brother a couple of years ago. I’m not sure how many of you reading this have actually watched the show, but it’s basically a group of people locked up in a house for a couple of months competing for $500,000. People are voted off each week until only one remains and that person is the winner. Needless to say, since the people in the house are the voters, there are all kinds of mind games being played. Everyone wants to win the money, so everyone is trying to figure out how to get everyone else to keep them in the game. Although many seem to be fooled into thinking they have developed great relationships with fellow cast members, more often than not, this is only a charade by the others to get what they want.

It is really easy for me to sit back and be critical of the casts and how they are often willing to do and say anything to get what they want. However, truth be told, we all struggle with being real with others to some degree. We are all guilty of manipulating others to get what we want.

With the needs that we are all walking around with (things like love, acceptance, security, and significance), we often find ourselves desiring for one or more of these to be met in our lives. Instead of a cash prize, our needs being met is the thing we seek. That’s when we come to a fork in the road: will we choose faith in our Father to provide what we need or manipulation to get what we want? The path we choose determines whether our relationships thrive or take a nose dive. James 4:1-5 is clear that when we focus on getting what we want, we will do sinful things to make it happen. When we choose to manipulate, we argue, fight, cheat, steal, and hate others. We treat others like objects that we can use to get what we want.

Walking by faith is synonymous with trusting the Lord to provide for my needs. If I am manipulating, even in a seemingly small way, then I am not trusting Him. I am taking my life and my needs into my own hands. I am deciding that He may not provide, so I will find a way to get what I want on my own. I will put on a mask and make everyone around me think I am something when I am not, to gain their acceptance. I will fool others into thinking I am capable of things that I am not, to gain a sense of significance. I will be nice to others so that they will take care of me, to feel secure.

But we are not the authors of manipulation. Satan is the great deceiver. In other words, he is the great manipulator. He wanted what he wanted and turned from God to try to get it. He even blatantly tried to manipulate Jesus to do what he wanted Him to do. When we manipulate others, we’ve been manipulated by the Enemy. We’ve been deceived into thinking we can do something to provide for our own needs. Even though we may feel that we are in control, we are not.

Manipulation strips us of our ability to be real with others. It destroys any chance at authenticity in our relationships. It thoroughly prevents us from enjoying others just as they are. And at the end of the day, it never gives us what we really need. At best, it gives us false security, acceptance, etc. because those giving us those things are giving them to us on false pretense. They are loving the act I am putting on (the cunning manipulative device of the day), but they are not freely choosing to love the real me!

Manipulation is a type of bondage: once you go down that path, there’s no way out except to keep putting on masks, or choosing to come clean and enjoy the life and freedom that comes from trusting Him. Maybe that’s one big reason why many cast members on Big Brother start “losing it” emotionally after a few weeks. Manipulation stresses us, traps us, and drains the life out of us.

Maybe we should take a look at shows like Big Brother and realize that the show is not driving people to do bad things (being manipulative), nor are the people struggling with different things than us. The show, in this way, is more a platform to demonstrate the wide-spread issue of us as a whole struggling with the sinful desire to get what we want without looking to the true Provider. It is a magnifying glass focused on just how desperate we are and how dependent we must be on One who can truly meet our needs.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19, ESV)

When the "Fruit" Seems to Lie

Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart. (Proverbs 21:2, ESV)

Taking time to examine our hearts is a crucial yet underused discipline. Much of the time, we can look at the fruit in our lives, or lack of it, and be clued into what is going on with our hearts. However, although our hearts always reveal themselves eventually, sometimes, the true evidence is not seen at first. It is possible for us to put on a good act. And when what we are doing looks good to us, and especially to others, then we are typically satisfied not to investigate why we are doing what we are doing. We often fail to appreciate the importance of the motivation behind our actions.

For instance...when we decide to "kill someone with kindness", we must be careful not to think too much of ourselves. Our intent is still to "kill", even if the weapon of choice makes our actions appear more acceptable to ourselves and others. Although our actions may make it look like we are doing the right thing, our heart is still bent towards overpowering or hurting, not loving, the other person. When we don't take the time to honestly look at what is motivating us, we blind ourselves to the truth and our wayward hearts eventually do some damage. Unfortunately, the damage is usually what it takes to finally bring us around so that we decide we MUST take a look at our hearts to see what's wrong.

Several years ago a good friend of mine turned me on to an awesome singer/songwriter by the name of Derek Webb. I love many of his songs, but a line from one song in particular jumped out at me as I was writing this post:

"...you can make your life look good
You can do what Jesus would
But you'd be surprised what you can do with a hard heart"
(lyrics from the song, Ballad in Plain Red, by Derek Webb)

These lyrics say, more eloquently than I can, how easy it is for us to get caught up in doing what looks good, while losing sight of what really matters. If our motivation is off, everything is off, no matter how great the performance is. And there is only One who can straighten out a heart issue...and He loves for us to open up our hearts to Him to do so.

Prove me, O Lord, and try me; test my heart and my mind. (Psalm 26:2, ESV)

Why Call It Fruit?

I know I have touched on the subject of "fruit of the spirit" here several times. Paul coins this phrase in Galatians 5:22. Although the exact phrase is not always used, this idea of "fruit of the spirit" is discussed other times in Scripture as well (for example, Colossians 3). Jesus, Himself, talks about fruit. Fruit of the spirit is, quite simply, evidence in our lives that we are walking by the spirit. It is not strenuous effort on our part to do what is right. Fruit shows up when we are believing truth. When we actually take God's truth to heart, our actions and even out emotional state are affected in an awesome way. Fruit is the product of truly trusting God, made possible only through a relationship with Christ. 

The thought that hit me the other day was this: "Why call it fruit?". This may have been obvious to you, but for some reason I had never thought about this much in depth. Paul uses the word "fruit" for a reason. When we walk in truth (please don't confuse this with positive thinking which is just mind games), something special happens. Fruit is produced. Actual fruit, such as apples, bananas, oranges, pears, watermelons, and grapes, all bring to mind something enjoyable to our taste buds. They are filled with nutrients that energize us. They are often sweet. They can be a nice snack or something to compliment a whole meal. 

But we can't just make our own fruit from scratch. Fruit is sourced from certain vegetation that can produce it. It is a miracle outside of our control. We get to enjoy the fruit when we get involved with the vegetation. It's almost like a partnership. The plant does its part, and we just trust it to do so and act accordingly, expecting the fruit by watering it. 

I can now see more clearly why Paul used "fruit" to describe the product of trusting God. He is blatantly telling us how great it is to walk by faith. Contrary to what we may think at times (when faith takes us into difficult places) it is always sweet and enjoyable when we rest in His truth. Paul even experienced fruit while in prison, which still boggles my mind at times when I think about it. 

To top it off, I don't believe for a second that Paul's list in Galatians 5 is an all-encompassing list. Paul was just throwing out a good list to give us an idea of what kind of profits we have in store as believers. There are many types of fruits to eat and enjoy. There are also innumerable enjoyable products of a trusting relationship between us and our Heavenly Father, because He is, in and of Himself, infinitely enjoyable.