Goal-Oriented

Some of us consider ourselves goal-oriented, while others...not so much. However, we all have goals, whether we realize it or not. The mere fact that we all have needs dictates that we will at least have goals designed around meeting our particular needs. So, it is safe to say, we are ALL goal-oriented. However, this may not be such a good thing, depending on the reasoning behind our goals. 

Forgive me while I plunge into the political realm for a second to offer an example. I dare say that there are some politicians out there that say their goal is one thing, but their hearts are really set on something else. One might say his goal is to help a certain segment of the population, while his true intent is to appease and use them in order to get the votes he needs to be elected. Money may be a factor, but power usually is a big temptation for elected officials. So the stated goal is to help others, but the real goal may be to help himself.

A good personal example of trickery with goal-setting is if I were to smile at someone as if I were listening to them. My expressed goal may appear to be to care about them and hear what they are saying. However, my real intent might be to get out of that conversation without the other person being mad at me for being uninterested in what they are saying. Therefore, my real goal? It may be to simply to be accepted or avoid conflict. To avoid the controversy and rejection, I put on an act, appearing to be interested when I am really not. As with the politician in the previous example, I am more about helping myself than the other person. 

With it being so easy to hide our true intent, at times even from ourselves, it becomes a way of life for some of us. Those of us that are desperate to be accepted, we may put on a people-pleasing mask everyday in order to meet our goal. For those of us who are anxious, we may avoid certain things in order to feel safe. This winds up keeping us from experiencing life and being joyful. And to be fair to the politician in the example above, many of us struggle with the same thing he struggles with...feeling insignificant and searching for something to make us feel better about ourselves. For him, it may re-election, for us it may be moving up the corporate ladder, going out with an attractive person, being recognized for an accomplishment, or simply winning a pick-up game of basketball.

Identifying our true goals is important. It helps us realize what we are really after, so then we can begin to address what is leading us to run after such things. To do this, we must take a look at what we are doing and what we are feeling. These are evidence of our true intent. For instance, if we are getting anxious or angry, that may be a sign that we are not getting what we want (hence, our goal is not being met). As with my example of smiling and "listening"...if I find myself feeling anxious, or even a little frustrated, with the other person, I very well could be after more than just an opportunity to listen to them share their heart about something. 

While identifying goals is important, when you boil it all down, attempting to revise our goals may not be the next best step. A better step is to give them up altogether. Bad, or unhealthy, goals come from bad beliefs. We can't surrender our goals without our view of things being changed first. If we believe we are unlovable, trying to drop the goal of being loved is unhelpful. Even if we could be successful in changing that goal, we still have a major issue: we believe we are unlovable!

If we are determined to revise our goals in a good way, the first goal should be to find the truth. There are many places to look for truth, but there is only one source. While emotions, experiences, and relationships here on earth may lie to us, God is consistent in telling us the truth. In fact, one of the descriptions of Jesus was that He is "the Truth". Jesus chose to lay down His life for His bride, the Church. God's love for us has been amazingly demonstrated through that act. Not only has He promised to meet our needs, but He has demonstrated how far He will go to do so.

To accept the truth of how God views each and every one of His children is to gain the ability to give up goals to meet our needs on our own. If I am accepted by the King, then I do not need the acceptance of the people. If the Creator of everything has a purpose for me, then I do not need to seek significance in this world. And most importantly, if my Heavenly Father truly loves me unconditionally, I needn't worry about searching for someone to love me in order to prove myself lovable. Believing these truths are examples of faith. It is sometimes much more difficult to walk by Grace through Faith than we realize because we fail to see how goal-oriented we really are when it comes to our needs. 

Self-Worth

Self-esteem is a high commodity. Books geared towards helping one build up his or her self-worth have been flying off shelves for decades. Motivational speakers can fill large stadiums, drawing crowds easily whereever they go. Counselors, therapists, and ministers all see people regularly who are struggling due to how they see themselves. As a whole, we are hungry to feel better about ourselves.

There appear, to me, to be more than one phase that we can be in regarding how we view ourselves. There are those of us in the first phase: "Complete Awareness Phase". In this phase, we are completely aware of how negative our view of self truly is. We look in the mirror and hate what we see. We find it very difficult to see even one thing we like about ourselves. We may even struggle with seeing that we have a purpose. When in this phase, we are depressed/emotionally distraught. We feel hopeless most of the time. This is a scary place to be.

The second phase is the "Aware But Hiding Phase". Some of us know exactly how we view ourselves, but we are "working on it". We are attempting to cloak just how unacceptable/unsuccessful/unlovable/ugly/weak we think we are. There is a considerable amount of anxiety associated with this phase. The uncertainty of whether we will find what we are looking for is stressful. In this phase, we hide behind things such as our children, hobbies, work, wealth, power, attaining goals we set, appearance, skills, knowledge/education, or a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. In this phase, we work our butts off to find a satisfiable view of ourselves through something outside of us.

The third phase is the "Unaware and Striving Phase". Similar to the previous phase I mentioned, this one includes a lot of trying to find worth in things in this world. The difference is, in this phase, we are either so good at finding temporary feelings of worth in people/performance/things, or so oblivious to the truth for some other reason that we are also temporarily unaware of just how in the tank our self-worth is. A good example might be a professional athlete who is very good at what he or she does. The only time people in this position might realize how they truly view themselves is when they have an injury and cannot perform at the same level anymore. Then they are faced with the truth: "Their value was dependent upon something that was fleeting!".

I would bet that 99% of anyone reading this, including myself, is in one of these phases, at least in some way. I admit, Phases I and II are popular choices for me. Years ago I was provided with knowledge about myself that made Phase III difficult for me to reside in now. The veil has been removed. Now it feels like this: "scramble to put the tiny veil back on or sit in a pile of miserableness".

In this world, there truly are no other options...not that I can see this morning, while I sit here in this quiet house, pondering the things that run through my mind early in the morning before anyone else is up. But as a person who has seen, firsthand, others find freedom from the cycling through of those three phases, I need to remind myself where my real worth is found. Yes, I do have worth, despite the lie that I believe that I do not.

When I make a large purchase (car, furniture, etc.), I often do not know enough about the item to know the value of that item. Without some trustworthy information about that item, I might wind up purchasing something for more than it is worth. To get the best idea of its value, I think the ideal source to check is the designer/creator of that item. He or she would know what materials were used, who assembled it (and how carefully they did it), and how valuable it truly is.

In searching for our worth, we need to look to the One who knows us best: our Creator. He knit us together in the womb. He knows what "went into making us". He valued us so greatly that He paid a high price for us to be set free and to call us His own children. He sent His own Son, who willingly chose to be put to death to save us. We were purchased for a price so high it cannot be fathomed. Our value and worth, dependent on God's love for us, is as great as that immeasurable love. God, our Father in Heaven, cannot love something of no value.

Perhaps "self-worth" is a bad way to describe the true worth we have in Christ. It is a "worth based on Christ". Although our feelings, what others think, what our experiences teach us, or even what we think might contradict the truth about our value in Jesus Christ, they are all flimsy things to rely on in evaluating our view of self. All the failures and rejection in the world will not and cannot devalue us one bit. The value placed on us as children of God is eternal because His love for us is eternal.