Performance-Based Worth

Those that really get to know me eventually get to see a struggle that surfaces for me more than I would like it to. I think many of us have that one thing that typically pops up...that one thing that is evidence in our lives that something is up. Like a "check engine" light on the dashboard of my car, anxiety is that one piece of evidence that repeats itself in my life. It screams at me to check out what's going on.

I am convinced that all emotions and behaviors are like this, if we will allow them to be. James put it this way, "But someone will say, 'You have faith and I have works.' Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works" (James 2:18, ESV). We cannot separate what we believe in and what we do. We do what we do and we feel what we feel because of either trust in the Lord or lack of it. Trusting the Lord means believing the Truth. If I lack trust in Him, I am left with nothing but to believe a lie because I am not centered in His Truth.

The title of this entry is "Performance-Based Worth". The reason for this is that performance-based worth is a core issue that I find leads to anxiety for me. When I believe that my worth is dependent upon what I do or don't do, anxiety is the result. The reason for this is simple, there is always uncertainty when I am relying on my own performance to grade my value. Sometimes I do a great job at something. Other times I do a terrible job. I always run the chance of it being either way. When I rate my performance as good, I feel good. When I rate it as poor, I feel bad. When I strive for the great performances, I am always anxious when I connect the end result with my own personal worth.

I have also noticed with myself, as well as others, that performance-based worth leads to two kinds of behavior: striving or giving up. There have been times in my life when I have been in striving-mode. I work as hard as possible to accomplish my goal(s), all in an effort to maintain my sense of worth. However, there comes a time that I may find the task of completing the goal impossible, and I just give up for a while. Striving and giving up are two very different behaviors that are both evidence that at that moment in my life, I am believing that my worth is dependent upon my ability to accomplish my goal(s).  

Perfomance-based worth is completely and utterly contrary to the Gospel. God says that my value is not dependent on my works. My worth is not tied to my ability or inability to accomplish goals that I set for myself (or that others set for me). The works I may allow to dictate my worth are not exclusive to big or small things. They include a day at my job, the way I handle a temptation to give into a habitual sin, a conversation with my son, a responsibility at home such as a household chore, the way I handle a disagreement with my wife, whether or not I can figure something out, and other seemingly big and small things. My goals may be to be a perfect father, to be a perfect husband, to be the best counselor, always getting everything done, to not make a mistake, and to know all the right answers. Sounds ridiculously impossible when I state them here, but I find myself often shooting to accomplish those goals (or similar ones) and basing my value on my performance.

So, I know that my value is not in what I do, although I admit I struggle with believing this at times. Addressing this begins with acknowledging the evidence in my life that proves I am not walking by Grace through Faith. For me, anxiety, striving, and the attitude of just giving up are the typical red flags. Others may have different things to look for in their lives. But where, then, does my value come from? I need to trust God's Truth here to be set free when I am in bondage to the lie that I must do great to be worth anything. I was created in God's image, to glorify Him, therefore I have inherent value based on this from the very beginning. No one is worthless because everyone is created in His image. However, there is the problem of sin. Due to my inability to overcome this, my righteousness is solely dependent upon Jesus Christ. Trusting in Him sets me free, in every way. I am free to be who God created me to be. I don't have to strive to be something I'm not. Nothing can steal this righteousness away from me, not even my inability to do the right things. I often relate back to Paul in Romans 7:15-19 (ESV) because he well understood our inability to do the right thing and to avoid doing the wrong thing:

15 "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.

Although my righteousness is secure in Christ, I can act as if its not and subsequently feel that I am no good, a failure, and worthless. This happens when I don't know the Truth, stand firm in it, and act it out. Praise the Lord that even when I fail to trust Him, He is faithful.

24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. (Romans 7:24-25, ESV)