A Fork in the Road: Manipulation or Faith?

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? (James 4:1-5, ESV)

My wife, son, and I got into watching the television show Big Brother a couple of years ago. I’m not sure how many of you reading this have actually watched the show, but it’s basically a group of people locked up in a house for a couple of months competing for $500,000. People are voted off each week until only one remains and that person is the winner. Needless to say, since the people in the house are the voters, there are all kinds of mind games being played. Everyone wants to win the money, so everyone is trying to figure out how to get everyone else to keep them in the game. Although many seem to be fooled into thinking they have developed great relationships with fellow cast members, more often than not, this is only a charade by the others to get what they want.

It is really easy for me to sit back and be critical of the casts and how they are often willing to do and say anything to get what they want. However, truth be told, we all struggle with being real with others to some degree. We are all guilty of manipulating others to get what we want.

With the needs that we are all walking around with (things like love, acceptance, security, and significance), we often find ourselves desiring for one or more of these to be met in our lives. Instead of a cash prize, our needs being met is the thing we seek. That’s when we come to a fork in the road: will we choose faith in our Father to provide what we need or manipulation to get what we want? The path we choose determines whether our relationships thrive or take a nose dive. James 4:1-5 is clear that when we focus on getting what we want, we will do sinful things to make it happen. When we choose to manipulate, we argue, fight, cheat, steal, and hate others. We treat others like objects that we can use to get what we want.

Walking by faith is synonymous with trusting the Lord to provide for my needs. If I am manipulating, even in a seemingly small way, then I am not trusting Him. I am taking my life and my needs into my own hands. I am deciding that He may not provide, so I will find a way to get what I want on my own. I will put on a mask and make everyone around me think I am something when I am not, to gain their acceptance. I will fool others into thinking I am capable of things that I am not, to gain a sense of significance. I will be nice to others so that they will take care of me, to feel secure.

But we are not the authors of manipulation. Satan is the great deceiver. In other words, he is the great manipulator. He wanted what he wanted and turned from God to try to get it. He even blatantly tried to manipulate Jesus to do what he wanted Him to do. When we manipulate others, we’ve been manipulated by the Enemy. We’ve been deceived into thinking we can do something to provide for our own needs. Even though we may feel that we are in control, we are not.

Manipulation strips us of our ability to be real with others. It destroys any chance at authenticity in our relationships. It thoroughly prevents us from enjoying others just as they are. And at the end of the day, it never gives us what we really need. At best, it gives us false security, acceptance, etc. because those giving us those things are giving them to us on false pretense. They are loving the act I am putting on (the cunning manipulative device of the day), but they are not freely choosing to love the real me!

Manipulation is a type of bondage: once you go down that path, there’s no way out except to keep putting on masks, or choosing to come clean and enjoy the life and freedom that comes from trusting Him. Maybe that’s one big reason why many cast members on Big Brother start “losing it” emotionally after a few weeks. Manipulation stresses us, traps us, and drains the life out of us.

Maybe we should take a look at shows like Big Brother and realize that the show is not driving people to do bad things (being manipulative), nor are the people struggling with different things than us. The show, in this way, is more a platform to demonstrate the wide-spread issue of us as a whole struggling with the sinful desire to get what we want without looking to the true Provider. It is a magnifying glass focused on just how desperate we are and how dependent we must be on One who can truly meet our needs.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19, ESV)

When the "Fruit" Seems to Lie

Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart. (Proverbs 21:2, ESV)

Taking time to examine our hearts is a crucial yet underused discipline. Much of the time, we can look at the fruit in our lives, or lack of it, and be clued into what is going on with our hearts. However, although our hearts always reveal themselves eventually, sometimes, the true evidence is not seen at first. It is possible for us to put on a good act. And when what we are doing looks good to us, and especially to others, then we are typically satisfied not to investigate why we are doing what we are doing. We often fail to appreciate the importance of the motivation behind our actions.

For instance...when we decide to "kill someone with kindness", we must be careful not to think too much of ourselves. Our intent is still to "kill", even if the weapon of choice makes our actions appear more acceptable to ourselves and others. Although our actions may make it look like we are doing the right thing, our heart is still bent towards overpowering or hurting, not loving, the other person. When we don't take the time to honestly look at what is motivating us, we blind ourselves to the truth and our wayward hearts eventually do some damage. Unfortunately, the damage is usually what it takes to finally bring us around so that we decide we MUST take a look at our hearts to see what's wrong.

Several years ago a good friend of mine turned me on to an awesome singer/songwriter by the name of Derek Webb. I love many of his songs, but a line from one song in particular jumped out at me as I was writing this post:

"...you can make your life look good
You can do what Jesus would
But you'd be surprised what you can do with a hard heart"
(lyrics from the song, Ballad in Plain Red, by Derek Webb)

These lyrics say, more eloquently than I can, how easy it is for us to get caught up in doing what looks good, while losing sight of what really matters. If our motivation is off, everything is off, no matter how great the performance is. And there is only One who can straighten out a heart issue...and He loves for us to open up our hearts to Him to do so.

Prove me, O Lord, and try me; test my heart and my mind. (Psalm 26:2, ESV)

Why Call It Fruit?

I know I have touched on the subject of "fruit of the spirit" here several times. Paul coins this phrase in Galatians 5:22. Although the exact phrase is not always used, this idea of "fruit of the spirit" is discussed other times in Scripture as well (for example, Colossians 3). Jesus, Himself, talks about fruit. Fruit of the spirit is, quite simply, evidence in our lives that we are walking by the spirit. It is not strenuous effort on our part to do what is right. Fruit shows up when we are believing truth. When we actually take God's truth to heart, our actions and even out emotional state are affected in an awesome way. Fruit is the product of truly trusting God, made possible only through a relationship with Christ. 

The thought that hit me the other day was this: "Why call it fruit?". This may have been obvious to you, but for some reason I had never thought about this much in depth. Paul uses the word "fruit" for a reason. When we walk in truth (please don't confuse this with positive thinking which is just mind games), something special happens. Fruit is produced. Actual fruit, such as apples, bananas, oranges, pears, watermelons, and grapes, all bring to mind something enjoyable to our taste buds. They are filled with nutrients that energize us. They are often sweet. They can be a nice snack or something to compliment a whole meal. 

But we can't just make our own fruit from scratch. Fruit is sourced from certain vegetation that can produce it. It is a miracle outside of our control. We get to enjoy the fruit when we get involved with the vegetation. It's almost like a partnership. The plant does its part, and we just trust it to do so and act accordingly, expecting the fruit by watering it. 

I can now see more clearly why Paul used "fruit" to describe the product of trusting God. He is blatantly telling us how great it is to walk by faith. Contrary to what we may think at times (when faith takes us into difficult places) it is always sweet and enjoyable when we rest in His truth. Paul even experienced fruit while in prison, which still boggles my mind at times when I think about it. 

To top it off, I don't believe for a second that Paul's list in Galatians 5 is an all-encompassing list. Paul was just throwing out a good list to give us an idea of what kind of profits we have in store as believers. There are many types of fruits to eat and enjoy. There are also innumerable enjoyable products of a trusting relationship between us and our Heavenly Father, because He is, in and of Himself, infinitely enjoyable. 

God's Sovereignty: Soothing or Scary

Several years ago, as some of you reading this may know about me, I began a tremendous struggle with anxiety. This included panic attacks (night and day), as well as a general sense of anxiety that plagued me almost continuously throughout each day. It was debilitating. One of the key truths that I encountered that changed my life during that time was a better understanding of God's sovereignty (there is nothing outside of His influence and authority). When I truly realized His infinite love for me and how it was coupled with Him reigning supreme over all things, I also realized that there was nothing to worry about.

Now, I am not saying that I would always believe this, 100% of the time, but it became a common thread in my outlook on life, and, over time, that was enough to relinquish the control that the anxiety and panic had over me. Please understand that I am not implying this as a "quick fix" for any of you struggling with anxiety and/or panic attacks. Much interaction between God and I took place for this kind of truth to take hold in my life.

I had learned incorrectly through life that God was not a safe God. For instance, where was He in the midst of hardship? Experiences in this world had sent messages about Him that were not true, and I eventually bought into them enough that in my twenties, the dam broke and all the fears and anxiety became overwhelming. Of course, at the time, I did not see it this clearly and simply thought I was losing my mind. It's not a pleasant experience to think such as this.

But back to my main point here, the revelation in my life of God's loving, sovereign rule made a huge difference. It was miraculously soothing to me. I was so thankful for His rule and control.

Fast forward to recent months...

I have been noticing some things about myself lately with which I am not content. There has been more anger and definitely more of a tendency for me to try to control things...and of course anxiety. Peace has been evasive. It's hard to explain, but I have noticed many seemingly small things going wrong in my life to the point that it almost felt like something was out to get me. I found my anger progressing past me getting frustrated with people in my life, and becoming more obvious that my anger was towards God. What was He doing with all this control He has over things? Obviously not watching out for me! It sounds ridiculous, knowing what I know about Him, but something had happened to my view of Him that had changed my emotional state and actions. But what?

Yesterday, God made it abundantly clear to me through the story of Joseph being sold into slavery in Genesis 37. His own brothers sold him into slavery, but later in the book of Genesis Joseph was able to see how God was in control, not his brothers, when they sold him into slavery. He had become an authority figure in Egypt and was instrumental in saving many lives, including those of his family, from starvation during a famine. It hit me hard that Joseph was not controlled by his brothers, the circumstances, or anything else. No one or nothing could steal God's authority.

The one thing that was so soothing, so precious to me, I had come to reject. A rebellious spirit had come up in me that was not accepting God's sovereignty. The key, though, to this deception in my life, was that I was still believing in His sovereignty, but leaving out His love for me. It's all too easy to lose sight of His love when I get focused on things of this world. Without love, authority is just cold and I don't want it. I don't think anyone truly desires that kind of authority. How can you trust someone over you that doesn't care about you? Our faith in Him slips when we don't believe in His unconditional love and acceptance of us. Without love backing it, authority can be downright scary. God's huge reminder to me yesterday was to remember His love for me, first and foremost. When that is a reality to me, I am able to accept His sovereignty...and the peace comes with it.

Fruit of the Spirit: Loving Our Wives

Recently, I was honored to be invited to speak to the "Men of Courage" at Mt. Elam Baptist Church. I shared with them from Ephesians 5:22-27. I thought it would be nice to put my notes together in "blog-form" and post them here. Seeing how I have not posted in a while, I figure it's about time I do something! So here it is...

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²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [Ephesians 5:22-27 (ESV)]

It is very easy to read Scripture and find examples of people we know that are good examples of "what not to do". We will read about how someone was dishonest, and immediately, someone comes to mind. We have no problem at all applying Scriptures to others. And that's a big problem. When we are focused on others, we are not focused on our own hearts. It's a sneaky way to play the blame game. If we stay focused on how others are messing up, we don't have to look at ourselves.

In reading the words of Paul from Ephesians 5:22-27, I believe it is all-important for us to make it personal. For instance...men, we need to pay much more attention to the "Husbands..." part. Paul did not say, "Husbands, see to it that your wives respect you and submit to you". Nor did he say, "Husbands, make sure you keep your wives happy". 

Instead, Paul focused on personal responsibility for men. He stressed "loving our wives". But we need to really take a look at what he meant by "love your wives, as Christ loved the Church". It's far too easy to gloss over this and not take it the way he meant it. This verse is VERY heavy with responsibility for us. If it doesn't strike us that way, we aren't taking it seriously. "Love", in this passage, is the word "Agape" in the original Greek. This is much different than the "phileo" type of love mentioned in other Scriptures. It's not just a friendly, warm affection.

This "agape-love" is the kind of love Christ has for His bride, the whole body of believers, the Church. Agape-love is unconditional, steadfast, protective, forgiving, patient, gentle at times, aggressive when appropriate, and safe. For guys like me who struggle and have struggled with behaviors such as withdrawing, holding grudges, losing my temper, and dealing out the silent treatment, this type of love sounds impossible, particularly at certain times in my life.

But then comes the most important thing that we need to know about this agape-love (above all the things I listed previously). This kind of love mentioned in Ephesians 5 is also mentioned in Galatians 5:22. There it is described as fruit of the spirit. This is all-important because it is the key to how this kind of love is possible.

Paul ordered his letters in a certain way. He would begin with important doctrine, or truths that we need to believe. He would follow with important notes on the kind of behaviors that we could expect from believing those truths (fruit of the spirit). He really grasped the importance of our relationship with God and how we need to really put our trust in Him and believe that what He says is actually true. When we take these steps of faith (believing the truth), we act on them and then the behaviors flow from Him, through us, to others. As I have stated in this blog many times, our behaviors are motivated by believing or not believing God's Truth. Our relationships with others are directly affected by our relationship with God.

The portion of Scripture we are focusing on here (Ephesians 5:22-27) is actually from the "behavior-section" of Paul's letter. We often jump to this section, attempt to do all these good behaviors, and then wonder why we fail. Loving our wives is actually evidence of our trust in our Heavenly Father. If we don't address this first and foremost, we are lost when it comes to seeing fruit in our lives. This is good and bad news. It's bad because this is hard to hear sometimes. We often want to blame someone else for our bad behavior. This requires us to look at our own hearts. However, it is good news because we cannot possibly overcome the bad behavior and love our wives the way Paul is calling us to...so we need help...and we have it! 

But then we need to take another huge step out of a bad box we get into a lot as Christians. We often make faith this mystical thing that we talk about, but have very little working knowledge of how to apply it in our lives. We must take the mystery out of it and find ways to make it practical for our everyday walk. 

First of all, it is not nearly enough to know truth. Knowledge without acting on that knowledge is worthless. Knowing the truth and not acting on it is an excellent way to define "dead faith", as James puts it in his book. God's Truth has to be so real to us that we act on it. That is when we see the fruit, such as loving our wives.

Experience helps His Truth to become more real to us. We must act on what we know is true, which is taking steps of faith. If we act on ANYTHING other than truth, we subsequently fail to receive and offer His love.

EXAMPLES:

At this point, I want to offer some personal examples of what it might look like to take steps of faith the way I am attempting to describe here.

Years ago, I remember my wife and I were sitting at home. She had something to do outside and went to take care of that. While she was gone, I decided to vacuum the house. Well, when I finished, I realized she had not come back in yet. I really wanted her to notice what I had done, so I contemplated leaving out a piece of the vacuum cleaner in order to make her aware of my "good deed" without having to say a word to her. In a situation like this, a step of faith might look like putting the vacuum away and saying nothing. Instead of looking for my wife's approval or attention (or whatever it is I'm after), I can choose to seek God's approval (which is readily available because He DOES approve of me in Christ). The fact is, when I was thinking through this, my struggle was that I wasn't trusting fully in God's acceptance of me and was seeking it elsewhere (my wife, through my completion of a chore). Steps of faith like this are not easy, but they are necessary in order to truly love my wife instead of looking to her to make me feel better about myself. And she might not even know what happened!

Another quick example is how I used to, regretfully, make my wife the brunt of my jokes. When in the presence of others, I would make jokes pertaining to her and she would laugh along (sometimes not). I realized years into my marriage to her that this was extremely hurtful, although she had said nothing to me about it. How could I be protecting her, being an advocate for her (as Christ has been for me), and valuing her as the precious gift that she is when I am making jokes about her? Often, I found that I was being critical of her actions and the jokes were subliminal messages that I wanted her to change something. How manipulative! And manipulation is not love. Anyway, my step of faith was giving up this terrible habit by giving her the freedom to be her and shedding some light on my despicable behavior despite the fact that no one really knew how bad it truly was. I had to make a choice to trust God's Truth that giving my wife freedom to be herself in our relationship (not manipulating her to be what I wanted her to be) would produce what I was really after. Building her up and protecting her is far more enjoyable than trying to change her.

I know these examples may seem small and inconsequential, but the reality is that they are real examples of everyday struggles I believe many of us share. If we aren't taking the seemingly small steps of faith, then we certainly are not taking the big ones.

Some men struggle with choosing work first over relationship, others with being passive when they need to be more of a leader, and others with being abusive and controlling. Many other examples could be given here, but I will stop there. There are many works of the flesh that show up when we are not walking by faith. As husbands, our relationship with God is central to everything, including being able to love our wives, and the ability to love our wives comes from faith. When we fail to trust God’s Truth (even in the little things), we fail to love. If we catch ourselves without fruit such as "loving our wives as Christ loves the Church", instead of beating ourselves up or trying harder to do what is right, we need to focus on going back to the drawing board: "By Grace Through Faith". The fruit will follow. 

People Never Change

Recently, in a conversation I had with several others, it was suggested that "people never change". Having counseled many people over the past five years, I admit, I was rather annoyed by this comment. However, after some thought, I realized what this person may have been attempting to convey to the rest of us. In that person's experience, there had been little evidence of lasting change in people who try to change themselves. That's something I can agree with. Attempting to modify our behaviors is fruitless because we are incapable of changing ourselves. For behaviors to change consistently, there must be a deeper change that takes place, and that change must be instigated from something outside of us. There must be a change in the heart, and only God can do this. It does require steps of faith on our part, though. True change does not come about from a passive stance. It is a difficult road to take. Sometimes it's a choice one makes to face the reality of where they are at in life despite the temptation to keep hiding and acting like everything is okay.
Sometimes it's a choice one makes to surrender things to God that they really would like to hold onto due to fear of what may happen if they truly let go. Sometimes it's a choice to take a risk at losing relationships with others by setting up healthy boundaries.

I have had the privilege of counseling many awesome people while serving full-time as a minister/counselor. I have also had the awesome privilege of being invited to come alongside these friends and watch them bravely work through tremendous hardships. I have had the incredible opportunity to watch these people make the choice to trust the Lord and then to watch our Heavenly Father do His work in these people's lives. People may never change...themselves, but God definitely responds to their willingness to surrender to Him...and He definitely changes the hearts of people. I have seen it.

Sin Is More Than I Can Handle

"I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me." (Romans 7:15-20, ESV)

There's a huge difference between God working on my sin with me by His Grace through Faith and working on my sin myself. The first is full of healing and moving forward. It's completely dependent upon Him. It requires that I surrender my own efforts with the full understanding that the other option is hopeless. The other option, working on my sin, is full of failure and more heartache. I am completely incapable of any success when I set out to work on it. It's a completely ridiculous notion that comes from my desire to accomplish something in my own power. It's what all religion outside of Christ is based on. Sometimes it comes from a seemingly goodhearted desire to "do what's right" and to "avoid doing what's wrong". Maybe I tell myself I need to set out on this mission to please others or God. One major falsehood here is in telling myself that I can please God with my actions. Without faith, it is impossible to please Him (Hebrews 11:6), and when I set out to please Him by working on my sin, I have left Him out of the process. I have foregone trusting Him with any of it, and chosen to trust in my own efforts. I think this is a major issue amongst most Christians, including myself. I write about it a lot here because I face it a lot. Part of accepting Christ is accepting my need to completely rely on Him, and that includes relying on Him to deal with my everyday sin problem.

Paul alludes to another major truth in the above passage in Romans 7. He makes the statement that if he does what he does not want to do, he agrees with the law. What I see here is that Paul is highlighting his desire to do what is right and to not do what is wrong. Although he is incapable of doing what is right and avoiding what is wrong, his desire is to do those very things. His HEART is in the right place. Our hearts get into this condition that Paul is describing through faith. We are not saved through striving to change our behaviors, so we certainly do not grow in Christ through striving to change our behaviors (See Galatians 3). God's main focus is our heart condition. Therefore, we should make it ours as well. Again, this is not only pertaining to what we refer to as our salvation, but also in sanctification, or our daily growth. Only by Grace through Faith do we stand a chance against sin because only by Grace through Faith do we connect with a Savior that has power over sin. When we ask God to help us take a look at our hearts, then we may begin to see our motivations, what drives us, our core beliefs, or what really is leading to the sin that we see in our lives. But I cannot help but notice that even though Paul's heart is in the right place at the the writing of Romans 7, he is still struggling with sin. He obviously was not immediately "fixed". When this happens to us, the struggle to trust in and rely upon God's Grace in the presence of imperfections begins. Fortunately, we are forced to rely on Him even more. If not for this, I think we would revert right back to relying on ourselves.

The Battle to Be Still

I sat down this morning to read some Scripture and, honestly, to force myself to spend some time with God. Being still is such a hard thing to do, and I quickly remembered this truth as I struggled to put everything aside this morning, sitting in the den by myself. For me, it is not always a matter of putting aside things to do, but also putting aside the never-ending thoughts running through my head. Both busywork and a busy mind contribute to my neglect of solitude. It took a conscious effort and determination to overcome the onslaught of urges to get up and do something, to take note of reminders on my cellphone, and to acknowledge my brain telling me things for which "I needed to plan ahead". The more I attempted to remain there, seated, the more things seemed to pop up to distract me. Instead of mulling over each thing that popped up, I chose to put them aside, or to hand them over to God (an unfortunately overused phrase that has lost its meaning due to its overuse). If I choose to try to take care of those things as they pop up, I lose the battle to be still. The act of entertaining any of the endless thoughts that come to my mind, in and of itself, deters me from my goal to be focused on listening for my Heavenly Father's voice. Sometimes this fight lasts 45 minutes. This morning it lasted about 20 minutes. And then the peace came. At that point, finally, the reproves, the exhortations, and even the godly rebukes I am so desperately needing overtake all the busyness that I have allowed to overshadow them.

Being still is a necessity, not a nice thing to do from time to time. It's not a nap or vegging out in front of the TV. Psalm 46:10 boldly states "Be still, and know that I am God". Being still is a clearly defined way of relating to God: getting to know Him, hearing from Him, and being reminded of His truths that guide us and ultimately set us free. Being still ought not to be categorized as simply an obligation. Obligation deters from real relationships with God or anyone else. God desires "love, not sacrifice" (Hosea 6:6 and Matthew 9:13). Relationship is a choice. It is something we choose to do because we recognize our need for it and, therefore, we want to do it. Being a major part of our relationship with God, being still must be engaged in out of desire, not out of a sense of obligation to do "what I am supposed to do". But as I was reminded this morning, sometimes that desire must be uncovered once I have allowed other things to overtake it. Being still is a choice, but it is also an intense battle against everything that would keep us busy with anything other than interacting with God.      

Some Thoughts on Relationships...In and Out of the Counseling Office

Having counseled now for close to four years, I have been blessed to meet several hundred people that I would have never known otherwise. For a person like myself who has always been prone to stay more to himself and only a few close friends and family, this has been an awesome experience. You could say it has really stretched me, in a good way. God has taught me so much through those that have come into my office. Much of what He has taught me about has to do with relationships. I can say I have truly enjoyed the relationships that have developed, although the circumstances that bring many people to me are hardly enjoyable.

In counseling others, I see the development of a relationship as essential. Without this, it is so cold and callous that nothing special happens. I believe God designed us in such a way that we require relationship, with Him and others. I have seen Him, time and time again, truly work through trusting relationships that have been engaged in by myself and those who come in to talk with me. Relationships are not all about identifying problems and fixing them, in a counseling office or otherwise. Sometimes we experience things that no one can do anything about. Sometimes we simply do not want or need someone to do anything other than be present and hear our story. With others, there are times when I need to speak, and there are times when I need to shut up and listen. We all need to be known, and someone who is just focused on fixing often misses the intricate details that make up the person that they are attempting to fix. The fixer becomes a know-it-all that really knows nothing at all because the process of getting to know the other person was skipped. Yes, there is a time for more than sitting and listening, but even then it is not about pushing the other person around with bold steps or rules on what to do. Rather than driving someone like a cowboy drives a heard of cattle, it should look a lot more like walking with the person as they move forward, taking steps together and sharing the personal experiences along the way.

Of course, authenticity is required in the development of a good relationship. Without it, the relationship is faulty. Any trust that is developed on a bad foundation will eventually crumble, and being fake is a bad foundation. But authenticity takes courage. It is a risk to open up with someone and be real. It's much easier to put on a mask at times when I do not know how the other person will respond to the "real me". However, the rewards of being real with trustworthy people are great.

Let me steal a quote from a favorite book of mine, Truefaced...we must "trust God and others with who (we) really are" in order to have meaningful relationships. Trusting the Lord with ourselves, the good and the bad, is necessary for us to be able to truly receive all the gifts He is showering us with...things like forgiveness, love, acceptance, and healing. If we close ourselves off to Him, we do not receive those wonderful things that we need so desperately. God loves to work through the relationships we have with each other. We cannot separate how we interact with others and how we interact with God. If we have closed ourselves off to Him, we've done the same with others, and vice versa. When we are intimate with and love Him, we are intimate with and love others.

Change...by Grace through Faith

In dealing with stress, identifying the things that stress you and making changes is important if you don't want to be miserable and potentially take years off your life. This is not as easy as it sounds. Making changes in my life requires something of me. I typically have to face my greatest fears to make real, lasting changes. It's easy to talk about what I need to do or just throw a pity party about how I am struggling at times.

I think about Abraham and how God called him out of Ur in Genesis 12. It couldn't have been easy for Abraham to just leave his home, not knowing for sure what was ahead of him. The same with Saul in 1 Samuel 9-10. He was told by Samuel that he had been chosen to become the first king of Israel. Although being king sounds great, it required Saul to forfeit what was familiar and comfortable to him for the unknown challenges of leading a nation. This is a man who was taller than most other men, strong, and apparently good looking, and yet he "hid himself among the baggage" (1 Samuel 10:22) when Samuel was attempting to introduce him as the first king to the people. Even when there was promise of a great position, change was not something Saul embraced because it was hard to face his fears of failure and not being accepted by others (among other fears that I am sure were present with him). For me, even when there is potential for freedom from some anxiety-provoking situation or perception of my present situation, I hesitate to leap forward. Will I make things worse? Will I leave something behind that I will miss? Will God really follow through on giving me what I need every step of the way? Has God really made me in such a way that I actually have what it takes to do this?        

In James 2:14-17, James talks about faith being dead if it is not followed by action. Change requires putting action to faith. One must follow through on what that person says he or she believes in order for forward progress to occur. I want to stress something here, though. We must be careful that we don't approach this backwards. This is not something we drum up ourselves. Back to the title of this blog, based on Ephesians 2:8-9, we walk by Grace through Faith. We are not to do things to prove our faith or to earn grace, but our actions are still a vital part of the whole thing. It's the evidence that the Grace through Faith is at work. The actions (or good works) follow the faith. Therefore, change in our lives can be a great piece of evidence that we are living by Grace through Faith. When there is no change, and we become sluggish or motionless, we need to check our hearts and see how we might not be trusting the Lord with certain things in our lives. 

Weakness is Strength

...a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10, ESV)

I have heard this passage from 2 Corinthians mentioned, preached, and taught many times in my life. The irony of a weakness somehow being a strength has always been thought provoking. This past week, a couple of things have happened that have shed new light on this for me. Without going into too much detail about how God broadened my personal understanding of these words from Paul, I want to share my thoughts here.

For a long time, I have seen how my tendency to analyze things has been both a weakness and a strength at times. Obviously, analyzing things often leads to stress and missed opportunities to enjoy things in the moment (weakness). However, the drive to dive deeper into things pays dividends as well (strength). Additionally, when I rely heavily upon figuring things out, I am dependent upon God to ultimately come through for me. My desire to figure things out leads me to Him because I eventually find out that I cannot figure things out on my own.

If you'll notice, I have looked at this oxymoron of weaknesses being strengths only in the context of how it affects me alone. I have always been so self-focused when thinking of the verses above, I have never thought much about how they apply in relationships. God is helping me out of this box in which I have been.

In 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 (I'll paraphrase instead of posting all those verses here), Paul speaks about the Church being the body of Christ, having many different parts. As members of this body, we all work together, but we all have different jobs. None are more important than the other, although, sometimes we may incorrectly view one job as of lesser importance. Though we may doubt a person's role, maybe even our own, at times, we are all intimately woven together as Christ's body. It's really ridiculous to try to separate any one of us from the rest. I know we may tie this in with what this looks like in a "church setting", but that's not what I am talking about here. I am speaking much more specifically about each of our roles in the whole body of Christ, not just the local church. To minimize any of our roles to only one setting would be missing the much bigger picture of which we are a part.

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 12:22 that "the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable". God made it clear to me through experience recently that mine and others' weaknesses can be transformed into strengths when we share them with each other. I may think that when I offer my, often seemingly crazy, thoughts in a conversation that it gets us off topic, but God may choose to use that to get us on a more important topic at the time by addressing a particular issue with which someone else is struggling. On the flip side of this, when others play to their weaknesses, these can be strengths for me if I will allow them to be. A good example are people in my life who are spontaneous and really live in the moment. Although these tendencies may be weaknesses for them at times, when I allow myself to let down my guard in their presence, God uses these people to give me some freedom when I go too far with my over-thinking things. I am then free to enjoy things and not be so caught up in analyzing everything to death. Although I dearly love my friends that share in my desire to have deep conversations about things, I also need those that are different than me so God can use them to lighten me up! Life cannot be ALL about being in deep thought all the time and trying to figure things out. As much as I love it, it can be depressing! Solomon knows what I'm talking about (Ecclesiastes 1:18).

I know in relationships, we often complain about what we perceive as our own or the other person's weaknesses. Perhaps we should open ourselves up to the possibility that God could work through that perceived weakness in our lives. Instead of rolling our eyes when someone makes a silly joke, maybe we could laugh along and enjoy the moment being lightened up. Instead of being mad at the overly serious dude in the group, perhaps we should listen for any gold nuggets of truth he may have to offer. Ladies, rather than beating yourselves up over not being the perfect "Proverbs 31 woman", you could make it a point to begin seeking from God your own personal identity (the lady He created YOU to be), and what it looks like to just be yourself with others, with all your weaknesses and strengths. Men, instead of complaining about how our wives aren't affectionate enough, maybe we could see it as an invitation to ignite that God-given masculine trait of pursuing our wives more fervently.

God likes to work this way. It highlights the One who deserves all the honor and glory. It also reveals the truth that we all are important to Him. He loves to work with us, through us, between us, and interestingly enough, He doesn't require us to be perfect. He actually is thrilled to work through our weaknesses.   


 

Examine My Own Heart First

"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye', when there is a log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:1-5, ESV)

"Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things." (Romans 2:1, ESV)

One of the hardest things in the world to do is to take an honest look at ourselves and admit what we see. It is so much easier to look at others and proclaim what we perceive about them. We are sinfully inclined to want to place the blame on others. Jesus knew this about us, and, therefore, pointed this out to us in Matthew 7. He also pointed out a good reason not to get so focused on others' issues: we mess up equally as bad as them (Romans 2:1). 

Now...to practice what I am saying here...

Even as I write this, I am tempted to throw out five or six examples of how I see others avoiding responsibility for their own stuff by pointing the finger at someone else. It is so much easier for me to use my ability to analyze things and find mistakes in others. I can nit-pick all day long. However, to do this, I am shrugging off personal responsibility myself. I'm being a hypocrite because I am acting like I have nothing to deal with on my own when I do (Matthew 7:5).

The truth is, I have a lot of imperfections. I mess up all the time. Not only that, sometimes my bad actions come intentionally. When I went into full-time ministry several years ago, the pressure to "look the part of a Christian" came on full force. I have had many fellow Believers tell me they, too, feel pressured to "be a good witness". In an attempt to do this, many times, I will try to cover up my imperfections. This is the worst thing I can do. Not only am I trying to hide it from others, but from God as well (which is ridiculous, but this is what I do although I know better). Hidden sin is undealt-with sin because I cannot resolve my own sin. The best I can do is strive harder to do better, which I always have and always will fail at (Romans 3:20 shows the only thing that comes from this is more knowledge of my own sin that I cannot resolve). The Gospel explicitly states that I must go to Christ for help with my sin. That requires faith, and faith is not seen in hiding, or trying to look or even do better. For me, it is about being honest with God, myself, and others. When I ponder the connections I have made with some of those I have counseled over the past four years, I realize when I have connected and when I have not. Honest examples of personal issues that God covers in His Grace through Christ have turned out to be a great witness to others. Those examples always point to Christ. Blown up examples of "purity" that I have achieved have been turn-offs because no one can connect with them because they are not honest and real. They do not point to Christ, but to self-effort. Who can connect with a guy who only gives examples of how he gets things right?

Another sneaky way I avoid looking at my own heart is by saying others are judging me by pointing out something I have done wrong. While I may be right in my assessment of the one judging, that, in no way, absolves me of guilt of my own sin. They may be right in what they are seeing in me or they may be wrong, but I have judged others just as they are judging me. So, we are both guilty of the same sin.


In the end, its all about the Gospel: walking by Grace through Faith. To receive God's Grace, I must trust that Christ is far bigger than any of my mess-ups. He is more than capable of healing my greatest wounds. He is greater than what people may think of me. His love truly is unconditional, not requiring me to do more good things and less bad things. As these truths become reality through experiences with actively trusting Him step by step, it becomes easier to face my sin instead of trying to hide behind others' sins. At that point, I am capable through Christ of not only receiving God's Grace by Faith, but in offering it to others as well.

Why Do I Follow Jesus?

"And he went throughout all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction among the people. So his fame spread throughout all Syria, and they brought him all the sick, those afflicted with various diseases and pains, those oppressed by demons, epileptics, and paralytics, and he healed them. And great crowds followed him from Galilee and the Decapolis, and from Jerusalem and Judea, and from beyond the Jordan." (Matthew 4:23-25, ESV)

A couple of weeks ago I was listening to someone teach from Matthew 5 about the Beatitudes, and the subject about the crowds that followed Jesus came up. The question was posed: "Why did such a large number of people crowd together to listen to him?" This was discussed quite a bit, but it has left me asking the same question of myself. Why, exactly, do I follow Him? For those that call ourselves Christians, this may sound like a ridiculous thing to question. Jesus is the Son of God, our Lord and Savior. He is the One who laid down His life to save the ones He loves. However, I am not hanging on this question because of a lack of knowledge of who He is, but because I have caught myself "following Him" for different reasons at different times. Is this good or bad? I'm not sure yet...maybe some of both. Let's see if I can come to any conclusions as I keep thinking and typing out of my heart here.

The first, obvious, area that came to mind for me to look into: my sometimes seemingly insatiable desire to know things. For those of you who have read other posts on this blog, you know that I tend to struggle with basing my identity on what I know. I make head knowledge too important at times. With this being a consistent thing that pops up from time to time with me, it's not a stretch to see that I sometimes follow Jesus to gather more knowledge. I'm convinced some of the crowds that followed Jesus in Matthew 4 did the same. Curiosity drew them in. I can see myself doing the same. I mean, who wants to be in the minority and not know what's going on with the famous guy that's traveling around speaking of sometimes mysterious and always enlightening things? If I fell into that group, I would wind up looking stupid or uncool, or both. 

Now that I know this happens with me, I must go a little deeper and look at my motivations for wanting to know things pertaining to Jesus. My motivation will determine whether my "following" Him in this way is taking me closer to Him or not. If I simply only want to know more about Him, that's a red flag for me. More head knowledge does not necessarily translate to a change of heart. I can know that Jesus loved me, but if I don't experience that love as a reality in my life, it is nothing but a cold fact that I know (and can share with others, ironically). I can know more about Him and allow what I know (or think I know) to "puff me up". Arrogance is certainly not listed in the examples of fruit of the spirit in Galatians 5 or Colossians 3, so this reason for following Jesus falls short of producing evidence that I am drawing closer to Him.

Another way I have seen myself "following Jesus" for a reason that does not produce fruit is when I pressure myself to "do a daily devotion". Instead of really seeking to know Him and who I am in Him, I wind up with temporarily fighting back the guilt I feel if I don't do the devotion. In church, we often feel guilt when we look around and think everyone else is "doing what they are supposed to do" and we are not. If my "following Him" is only to alleviate guilt, it will never be satisfying because I'm not really following Him...I'm attempting to run away from feeling guilty.

I could list many other reasons to follow Christ and discuss each one of them, but, again, I want to keep my posts as short as possible, so I will move on to an important question to ponder after examining my heart for why I am following Him at any given moment in my life: "What do I do when I catch myself following Him in a way that really isn't following in the sense the Jesus meant it when He encouraged Peter to in John 21:19?". I always start an answer to a question like that with something like this: I cannot fix myself. In other words, I must first apply the Gospel of Jesus Christ to myself once again. I can never run to the cross too much. As Christians, we need to visit there often. I cannot do anything to make myself sin less or do more good things. The power to do those things comes from Christ alone. When I have fooled myself into thinking I am following Christ with a pure heart, the answer is to follow Christ by throwing myself down at His feet and asking Him for help, acknowledging to myself that He is what I need...not mere facts that I can get from Him.

I really enjoyed writing about this and encourage anyone reading this to share your own examples, if you would like, of why you might be "following Christ" at times. I know there are many many more that I did not talk about here.

Blank

Sometimes I just feel blank. I don't feel bad, I don't feel great. I'm somewhere in between, but it's not a comfortable place. I avoid deep thoughts and deep conversations with others. I just skim the surface. I'm definitely not myself when I'm like this. Maybe I'm just tired. That's definitely a plausible explanation. But when rest doesn't seem to help, there's got to be more to it. There seems to be a shift from time to time. It's not all blankness. It begins with some anxiety, which lasts for a while, then I wind up leveling out into this "numbness" again.

I tend to throw myself into things that I believe in 100%. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but there is a downside for sure: blinders. While I'm focused on something that may be important, I overlook people and things close to me that are equally, if not more, important. Perhaps part of the "blankness" comes from the walls I create between myself and those things and people that I have neglected. Maybe a piece of the anxiety puzzle is the uncertainty of what will happen when I am not actively engaged in those things due to the blinders. With blinders on, I even forget the things that I enjoy doing aside from that one thing that I have thrown myself into. This may sound silly, but it's a good example: I used to love video games. They were a cool way to relax and enjoy time with my friends. Long ago, I put this hobby aside to pursue other things. I told myself those things were more important. I now find myself wondering what hobbies might interest me, but I don't take time to pursue them. I've just lost interest. In many ways, I've forsaken taking time to chill out and enjoy things. I'm too dang busy with being sold out to one thing.

I began to really take notice of this recently, when I came back from our beach vacation. Did I enjoy it? Yeah, but I still did not allow myself to truly let go. So I came back somewhat rejuvenated, but nothing like I could have. This past weekend, I had another reminder when I snapped (some anger came out) when I was around friends who were enjoying themselves and I couldn't seem to join in (once again, I apologize to those friends!....You know who you are.).

I'm not sure if any of this resonates with those of you who read this, but I committed myself to share my heart on here, so that's what I'm doing. All of this reeks of a "control issue" for me. In tune with the theme of this blog, this leaves me to ask the question, what does faith look like for me right now? I think part of the answer lies in letting go of control in any possible way that I can. It doesn't really matter how I do it. Any time that I take a step away from trying to control (or manipulate) something in my life, I have the opportunity with God to taste some freedom. In moments like this, I anticipate being able to enjoy something or someone. Control numbs me to the point that everything does feel blank. I must let go of it. This one thing that I have prioritized in my life may need to take a backseat to other things. I must forcibly remove the blinders. My identity needn't be wrapped up in one thing, unless that one thing is Christ. 

In the Context of True Relationship...

There are many wonderful things about being in a relationship. For one, in the context of true relationship you can mess up and know that everything will be alright. That is certainly the case with Christ. You're safe because there is grace. It's awesome when we can experience this with others as well, knowing you don't have to be perfect to be accepted and allowing others to mess up as well. And, to our surprise many times, knowing there is Grace for imperfection will not spur taking advantage of it. Lack of love and selfishness do that. To be blunt, lack of true relationship does that. Hurting the one you truly love hurts you as well. Of course, if it doesn't, we need to examine our hearts because we are merely posing when we say we are engaged in a true relationship.

We tend to label things and then move forward as if our label is accurate, even if there is no evidence to prove it is accurate. For instance, many of us will assign the words "I love you" to how we feel about someone else, but if we were pressed to show evidence to prove those words, we would come up lacking. We often want something in return, and if we do not get it, we are angry. Our words, "I love you", come up empty when we understand what love really is (unselfish, unconditional, patient, etc.). Another example is saying "I am sorry". There is a huge difference between this and true repentance. Repentance is backed up by consistent action...the words "I'm sorry" often is not. It can be the same with how we label our relationships. I can biologically be a "father", but not display behavioral evidence that exemplifies what a father is. I can be a "brother", but not act like one. I can be a "husband" legally, on paper, but not actually be a husband in my heart (and therefore not in my actions either).

In looking at my own relationships with others and noticing that sometimes my actions do not match what I claim to be, I think it would be good to take the time to examine this. It requires that I be really honest with myself. I must look to God's Truth in Scripture to define the labels I have assigned to myself regarding others. What does God really say a "husband", "father", "brother", "son", and "friend" looks like? I need to know what He says and challenge it against what I am actually doing. His Truth will reveal what I need to see (my heart). Perhaps I will find that I am ignorant to some things and simply need new knowledge. Perhaps I will find that I have been deceived into thinking I was something when I really was not. Perhaps I will find that I am just being mean and selfish. Regardless of what I find, the issue behind why I am not engaging a relationship with love and grace will only be resolved by engaging my relationship with God first. By His Grace alone will I be able to be who He created me to be with others. I need to engage what it means to be His "son", His "coworker", His "chosen", and His "loved one". I must not only know, but hold fast to my identity in Christ in order to live it out with others. 

From the Head to the Heart

As a counselor, I take the act of reading God's Word seriously. Now, don't take this to mean that I never have periods of time that I don't delve into it on a regular basis. I'm not going into a guilt-ridden post here to try to make me or anyone reading this strive for more "devotional time". However, I know how important it is to look at the Word for myself and see what God is saying to me through it. This certainly helps a great deal in sharing God's Truth with others. The problem is, when I look at myself to see how the Truth I know is being manifested in my behaviors and feelings, it is simply not there at times. One of the main issues is that the Truth gets stuck in my head and doesn't make its way down to my heart. In other words, to put it more bluntly...I often don't truly believe the facts that I know. If I don't believe something, even if I know in my head that it is true, I will not live as if it is true. Then that Truth is really of no value to me whatsoever.


When I think back to my time in school, from Kindergarten on up, I can recall many times that I studied for exams that I really didn't see much need in holding onto the information after I was done taking the test. I only memorized and understood the information that was going to be on the test enough to do well on the test at the time. Yeah, there were times that I knew the information would be important for me to carry over to another class or my future as an accountant and counselor, but there were many times that I just didn't see information for certain tests as applicable to me and my present or future. The problem was certainly not with the teachers that took the time to teach me. You could say I just didn't treasure some of the things I was taught.

I sometimes treat the Bible the same as I did some of what I learned in school. God's Word is Truth. That means when I read something from His Word, what I read ARE facts, but The Word is not just cool inspirational stories and rules. Jesus Christ referred to Himself as the Truth, so Truth has a lot to do with a warm, loving, real relationship, not just cold hard facts to know. Having this kind of relationship with God is an awesome thing, therefore, God's Truth is a treasure.

In Ephesians 2:8, which is part of the Scripture passage from which I got the title for this blog, Paul says that we are saved through faith. In looking up the meaning of the original Greek word used here, I found these definitions were offered (among others) to describe what Paul was getting at when he was talking about faith: belief in the truth, reality, and firm persuasion. Therefore, faith definitely has something to do with knowing the truth and believing it. I must be firmly persuaded that what God says is true...to the point that it is reality for me. That means I live it. Here's where I get tripped up again, many times. I can coldly go about trying to mimic what I read in the Bible (doing good works, staying away from sins, trying not to repeat the mistakes of people in the Bible, etc.) But living by Grace through Faith requires me to live in the Truth with RELATIONSHIP being the foundation. That's what causes us to treasure it.

When I read Paul's words "pray without ceasing" in 1 Thessalonians 5:17, I think back to what I learned from the author, Henri Nouwen, when he asserted that praying like this means living in reality instead of illusion (living according to the lies that Satan wants us to believe about ourselves, God, and others). Praying means I am interacted with God through Christ...talking to Him as if He is really there listening because He IS really there listening, then deliberately listening for Him, watching for Him, including Him in big and little things that I am going through, asking Him questions, getting angry with Him, accepting His discipline, and taking His Truth and applying it in order to experience more of Him. Only He can validate His Truth for me by taking it from my head to my heart, and this happens through life experiences. I experience Him as I interact with Him by living as if what He says is actually true. I have to push myself to get away from the head knowledge trap.

Perhaps the easiest way to begin to attack this issue is to do what Paul did with the Corinthians. In 1 Corinthians 2:2, Paul said, "For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." Paul refused to use all the knowledge and the ability to speak eloquently. He made a conscience decision to live out the Truth by not relying on his own abilities and knowledge, but to rely solely on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He goes on to say that he did this "in weakness, in fear, and in much trembling". This was not comfortable for Paul. He put himself in a position where God had to come through for him and for the people he was speaking to. He put himself in a position where he actively trusted God. In other words, He put action to his faith.

I've done this before, but how easily I can forget what it was like by getting complacent. Years ago when anxiety and panic attacks ruled my life, I came to a point in which I chose to face my fears. Through the experiences that followed, my faith grew tremendously. I experienced hope and joy, and it was great. Now it's time to press forward once again...to quit treating my experience back then as if it was a great learning experience and nothing more. Although I've often treated it as such, it was not just a one time event in my life that led to my faith being full-grown. When I think about my wife, I don't just think about the wedding day and nothing more. There have been so many awesome moments since then. The wedding day was only the beginning. Likewise, God has so much more He is wanting to experience with me...many more awesome moments...maybe even some better than what I have experienced thus far.

God's Not Obligated

Several weeks ago, in talking with someone, I realized a false view of God that has plagued me. I have been planning on writing about it and sharing it here ever since. Today's the day.

It's easy to get caught up in religious behavior, as I have written about here before. In religious circles, we often do things out of a sense of obligation. We operate a lot on guilt and scare tactics such as "I'm not a good Christian if I don't serve enough" or "I'd better not do that or God is going to get me for it!" To look the part of a Christian and thinking we need to keep God (and others) appeased with our efforts, we work hard to do the right things and avoid the wrong things. I discovered that beyond this mess, I actually had allowed myself to view God as being like this as well.

This lie that God helped me see in the conversation with my friend was not so much about operating out of guilt and fear this time, but about the obligatory actions. Since I often do things out of a since of obligation, I had been seeing God as doing the same. If I believe God does what He does out of obligation, I lose the ability to receive love from Him. The one big thing that was hurting me so bad was this lie: "Well, He's God, He HAS to love me". I have heard several others make this comment about their parents loving them, assuming their parents had no choice. God's love is not obligatory love. I'd argue that obligatory love is not love at all. It's based on guilt or fear, or some combination of both. God chooses to love me. Jesus chose to die on the cross. God chose me to be His son. When I ponder the fact that God has made choices, makes choices, and will continue to make choices to offer His love to me, it is simply an awesome perception changer.

Get Me Out of the Way

Sitting here this morning, engaging in some much needed quiet time to myself, I have been reminded once again of the necessity to surrender my own efforts in order to allow God to work through me.

"God does not want us to work FOR him, to witness FOR him, to live FOR him. He wants to get SELF out of the way so he can work through us." - Charles Solomon

Typically, as Christians, when we think about "self" or "flesh", we think about things such as sexual sins, drug and alcohol abuse, not being in church enough, stealing, or some other behavior we have or have not distanced ourselves from. I'm finding more and more that I allow my self to be the center of my life in a much more sinisterly hidden way: religious striving.

As I stated in my last post here on this blog, God has begun a work in me to free me from my attempts to win the battle for my mind. The quote from Solomon up above was another loving interaction between the Holy Spirit and me regarding this. I habitually do the work while God is asking me to let Him initiate and guide, while I follow. I talk a lot about being Christ-centered, but when I am stressing and pushing myself constantly, even if it is to do "the right things" and to avoid "the wrong things", I am self-centered...centered on me doing the work FOR God. If we have trouble discerning if Christ or self is in the center of our lives, there is always evidence in our lives that can serve as red flags that we are doing this. For me, anxiety, insomnia, no joy, and exhaustion are among the forerunners.

Mind Over Emotions, But What's Over the Mind?

One of my greatest strengths and weaknesses is my mind. It is amazing, really, how powerful my thoughts are. I have told several people that I can think myself into depression within a few minutes, and that honestly is not an exaggeration. Paul knew how important the awareness of what goes on in the mind was to himself and his brothers and sisters in Christ. He warned the Corinthians to capture their thoughts and force them to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). He also said in Romans for Christians to be transformed by the renewing of their minds. He understood fully that whatever a man thinks to himself reveals his true heart. What we do and feel is driven by our thoughts. As for me, feelings of hopelessness set in when I am not surrendering myself to God's Truth and choosing Him to be the One from which my identity and perception of everything in my life comes from. Paul said in Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." It seems I often would rather place myself in the driver's seat and allow my own logic, what people think, fears, and shame (amongst other things) to dictate my thoughts and perceptions of things. These lead to anything other than the things mentioned in Philippians 4:8.

I remember my mother often telling me when I was young that I needed to smile more. I started young allowing my mind to be occupied by things that darkly shaded my perception of myself, God, and others. This led to not only few smiles from the anger and sadness, but behaviors that brought me down as well. Some of this was out of ignorance, but struggles born of ignorance are no less a struggle than those born of some other source other than God's Truth. As the years have passed, I have experienced more and learned more. Although I will never gather the full knowledge of God in this physical body, I have been able to ascertain a firmer grasp on what God's Word actually says, which has been a great way to ward off the issue of "just not knowing" that I had earlier in life. The Holy Spirit has worked at just the right times to bring in Truths that I needed when my own ignorance was keeping me in a tail spin of false-belief-based thinking patterns. This continues to be the case for me because I must depend on Him to overcome the fact that I still don't, and can't, know everything. 

Today in Sunday School, I noticed an inner struggle while listening to my teacher (who I love deeply, by the way). I am becoming more and more aware that I have been trying to fight the battle for my mind by myself...in my own power. I am not that much different than the Galatians that Paul reprimanded for trying to be sanctified by their own works, but the majority of my attempts at this are in fighting for my mind. I forget one of the most important words to a follower of Christ: surrender. Of course I cannot win the battle over my behaviors, but I cannot even win the battle for my mind either. Not by myself anyway. It MUST begin with me acknowledging my inability to do so, surrendering myself over to Jesus' lordship over me, and allow the Holy Spirit to renew my mind. This is still quite the mystery to me how this all happens without me doing the work, but it does. It doesn't mean I'm passive in it though. Surrendering is a battle in and of itself because I must face my fears and give up control in my life to wave the white flag and allow Christ to lead me.

So..."mind over emotions, but what's over the mind?" It's my choice (that God has given me through Christ) whether I will be over it or if I will allow God to be over it. From that point on the results will be drastically different for me depending on who I am relying on: me or God.

Rocket

This past weekend, I was riding around with my wife, listening to music. The song "Rocket" by The Smashing Pumpkins came on. I have probably heard this song no less than 10,000 times (I am a huge Pumpkins' fan), but for some reason on this particular day, the meaning of this song really jumped out at me like never before. Here are the lyrics that caught me initially:

I torch my soul to show
The world that I am pure
Deep inside my heart
No more lies

Keep in mind, this is my interpretation of the song, but I hear the songwriter, Billy Corgan, struggling with the fact that he has been trying so hard to earn other people's approval that he has lost himself in the process. If you listen to the whole song, not just the lyrics above, Corgan goes further to state that he misses himself, the REAL man behind all the masks he wears to try to convince others he is something he is not. He has had glimpses of who he really is, but it has faded to only a dream now. He buys into the lie that there is something inherently wrong with him, so he needs to hide himself and be what he thinks others want him to be. Apparently others have made comments confirming the lie, and he has bought into them wholeheartedly. However, he has grown weary of living a lie and wants to be free...free to be himself and not just an actor (hypocrite) for those around him. He desires to "bleed in his own light" and actually live the life he has been dreaming about: being who he was created to be, whatever that may look like...free from the critical voices of all the people around him.

I know everyone is not like me. Some are huge people pleasers, some are not. I see myself looking to a few voices in my life at a time, never too many, but just enough to get me off track at times (it doesn't take much of looking to what others think to make one stumble). The Enemy loves to heap condemnation on me through not only my struggle with failures, but what others might think of those failures. I begin to think, at times, that maybe God looks at me the same way...disappointed with me, shaking His head at my performance that's never quite good enough.

Paul talked about being a people pleaser:

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10, ESV)

When I catch myself trying to please others, worrying myself over getting their approval, I am not serving Christ. People, or at least their opinion of me, becomes not only my focus, but my idol. In those moments when their approval is my priority, I am giving them the power to tell me who I am. My identity rests in the hands of those that I look to for acceptance. If they disapprove of me, I believe I am worthless. If they approve of me, I feel great temporarily, but then I have to work hard to keep the approval coming, losing any sense of who God really created me to be in the process. Like Corgan masterfully said in the song, "I torch my soul" trying to prove myself.

Walking by Grace through Faith is so tough. The fear of what others think is a sinister weapon of the Enemy that I need to make myself aware of on a daily basis. Surrendering to God and holding onto His Truth concerning my identity in my Savior Jesus Christ is the only thing that will set me free...free from the drive to please others, free from the condemnation felt in the criticism others dish out, and free to be the man God created me to be. No matter how I feel or what others say, I am who God says I am, and He is pleased with me.

The song title, again, is "Rocket". I believe Corgan intended this to illustrate his freedom as he rockets away in the sky, away from all the phony masks he has created in attempts to gain the approval of others. At the risk of sounding a bit cheesy here, I guess the real rocket for us is God's Truth. Without it, we would remain slaves to what others think of us, or some other worthless idol that only keeps us meandering around on the ground instead of soaring off into the sky to experience what God has planned for us.